It’s the weekend and I have nothing funny or enlightening to say except I am glad that I am staying at home all day and not having to talk to another human being except the one I love so here’s another in my random series of What The Bloggers Say…

This week Clive continued being a slave to TKMaxx (costs less. Yes) and found some time to explore the more strange stock items of the Designer Brand Clothing Shop For Chavs and find a TKMaxx snowboard to comlement the TKMaxx piece of wood. He also found a salt shaker: “Simply pull on the handle in a wanking type motion and the salt will sprinken on your chips, that or seamen will go all over your…Penis Cakes.” Lovely.

Closetcase did best man duties at his brother’s wedding and enjoyed it but seemed a bit incorrect with his views on Civil Partnerships (in my opinion): “The night went very well indeed. In fact I think the whole day went very well – Everyone seemed to have a really good time… it actually made me feel a little sad that I will never experience such a thing myself. I know that civil partnerships have now been legalised in the UK for gay people to get married, but I just don’t think it’s the same. For one you cant do it in a church, so you miss the atmosphere and experience there. Secondly there is no bride – all its nice to be able to see the bride walk in to the church all dressed up and looking fabulous. Thirdly, I don’t think that a gay marriage would ever been as successful. I got a feeling that if I was ever to have a gay marriage not much of my family would turn up – it just wouldn’t be the same.”

I can vouch for it being exactly the same, if not better. So there!

Mister Ben Baker went to see Clerks 2 and liked it then made his 5th ‘All The Way From Over There’ podcast. I’ve not listened to it yet but the previous ones were a fine mix of silly stupid and clever, with a sprinkling of the finer side of obscure odd tunes. It beats that ‘hilarious’ Ricky Gervais talking to his stupid friend any day….

Cheryl got upset about Mark Lamarr being replaced on Never Mind The Buzzcocks: “Postitives: – New titles look quite good, still prefer the old ones – the set was quite good, i loved the set – seeing the NMTB mugs – BILL BAILEY standing right near us before him and Phill Jupitus sat down – piss taking of Anthea Turner… Negatives: – Simon Amstell trying to be Mark- Simon not saying much when i was thinking in my head “Mark would do something here” or “Mark would take the piss here” – Simon reading fake lines that Mark “left” and just saying them wrong – Simon wearing a black suit and momontarily making me fancying the curly head gay jewish boy (if he don’t talk he is quite hot) – There was something missing from the show. I wasn’t laughing as much as i normally do – Numb bum from the seat – Phill Jupitus’ glasses.. whats going on with them? Though last night i reckon he may have been doing an honour for Mark by going a bit 50′s throwback-esque…” She calmed down later.

Christopher went to see Clerks 2 and liked it then ummed and aahhhed about the ladies and decided that he has a ‘limited window’ when it comes to chicks: “The Limited Window is something that comes into play with any potential romantic partners. Lately, this particular vetting process has become stranger and stricter and my boredom threshold has decreased meaning that if I don’t hit it off with someone RIGHT away (NOTE: Appearances aren’t that important, music taste etc is) then I’ll make good my escape pretty sharpish…sometimes through bathroom windows…There is no point, in my fuddled, messed up mind at least, wasting too long with someone if the feeling isn’t just so. I don’t want to meet a ‘safe bet’ and then have them freak out a year or so later. Life is too damn short to waste on lunatics. I wasted almost 5 years on someone who, well, blah, blah, wah, wah..” Bless him. He’ll make a lovely husband for somebody one day when he realises it will happen when he least expects it.

Mick said what I would have said about the Iron Man film so I have just quoted him instead: “In what seems to be a bit of audacious casting, Robert Downey Jr. has been cast as industrialist inventor Tony Stark in the upcoming Iron Man movie. Casting an ex-everything-addict as the alcoholic Iron Man is either extremely brilliant or extremely risky. I just hope they put cold tea in the decanters and not real whisky. Downey is a great actor, though. That’s if they mention the alcoholism at all in the flick. I’ve got high hopes for this film: It’s the first one Marvel have funded themselves, and it’s directed by Jon Favreau, who has previous-he played Foggy Nelson in Daredevil. I’ve been let down before, though.” Damn those comicbook films! At least it wasn’t Nicolas Cage!

Norton had pink eye but resisted getting a piratey eyepatch and watched the Stephen Fry Depression Show instead: “I don’t want to be bi-polar; all the celebs are getting on this band wagon.Can’t I just be polar? I could run around on the artic tundra, hiding my black nose with a white paw as I creep-up on some unsuspecting penguin… and, by the way, if anyone can tell me why they are called “penguins” I’ll buy you dinner. And no, “Because that’s what they are called” doesn’t work for me.” The eye is still pink but the polar bear costume has not been purchased.

Bert had a workplace injury: “At approximately 4.28pm (according to the accident book at work) I was starting to get a bit over-excited. For the first time. I’d managed to get some work mates to agree to come along and mingle with my karaoke pals. And we were playing a few tunes to get in the mood. And I put on ‘I Predict A Riot’, and for some reason decided I would run between two rows of desks, use the final desk as a launching post to propel myself into the air, do an anticlockwise turn with my right leg swinging round, and land between the next two rows of desks. I am not a gymnast. I landed with a huge thud on the inside of my right knee. So I spent the evening barely able to walk, and am writing now with a kinky tubular support bandage about my person. I also sustained an impressive carpet burn to my forearm. It’s a shame that everyone witnessed this tumble, otherwise I could claim that my wounds were the result of some sweaty moshpit activity, or perhaps caused by leaping from a galloping horse to save a spider from being crushed by a falling anvil… And that accident book at work? To prevent future generations discovering quite the level of general horseplay in the artwork studio, the cause of injury went down as ‘Slipped and fell’. Which sounds REALLY gay.” He then went to karaoke and won a prize so there’s no moral to that particular tale.

Si from Life Is Cock also went to see Clerks 2 and had this to say: “Well I can hardly say that was worth the 12 year wait. I went to see Clerks 2 last night, and fucking hell, it was as bad as I’ve heard Jersey Girl is reputed to be. (I still haven’t been able to bring myself to watch that) It was all about growing and learning and being able to tell your friends you love them and how much you need them. And hey, kids are cool! It wasn’t just the characters that haven’t moved on, even the soundtrack seemed to be stuck in the mid 90s featuring Soul Asylum and, shudder, Alanis Morrissette. AND, what was going on with Dante’s fiances face? why did no one comment on the amount of comestic surgery she’d blatantly had? Well done Kevin, along with not being able to direct you can now add not being able to write to your CV.” Hmm… so who is right and who is wrong about this particular film? I am not going to see it and I don’t really care!

So that was the week that blogs. How was your week?