Who wins? You decide. Or just tell them to all fuck off.
“Hello and welcome to Big Brother 88. Before we show you this year’s pack of fame-hungry morons who will complain about us after they escape we have to apologise for showing those celebrity people acting like puny humans that time when them women said them bad things about that other woman so yeah sorry and shit. This time we’ll only show people being nice to everyone and fully respecting everyone’s culture because this is reality tee vee, innit? Anyway, here’s the first person to enter da house…”
Kayleighe is seen sucking on a lollipop and her minge is practically hanging out of a pair of horrible hotpants. She is quite blatantly not Kylie Minouge circa 7 years ago: “I love shopping, me, I love it” /edit/ “…getting pissed with the girls and vomitting in alleyways” /edit/ “I want to marry a footballer” /edit/ “or someone with more GCSEs than me…” /edit/ “do you like my new baps?” /edit/
Jayson is wearing a t-shirt that features the word ‘slut’ spelt out in sequins. He tosses his hair suggestively. It suggests a vacant head: “… Soho at the weekends…” /edit/ “…never been to a Harvester before” /edit/ “What’s TK Maxx?” /edit/ “labels labels labels…” /edit/ “expensive…” /edit/ “I hate queeny men…” /edit/
George Orwell is looking pissed off: “Don’t blame me…”
… and then I woke up.
I wonder, will this year’s Big Brother feature real human people?
Will there be a heterosexual man who doesn’t look at women like they are walking vaginas and can engage them in intelligent conversation?
Will there be a gaylord who is more than just his sexuality?
Will there be a woman who is a model but can also do other things besides take her clothes off? Will there be anyone who is entertaining, witty, funny, troubled, serious, stroppy, considerate and well-rounded? All at the same time? Or will they all just be the usual group of wannabes with nothing to offer the world except tales of a sexual nature and a collection of skimpy outfits?
Meh.
My ideal house:
The woman who used to be a child prodigy but wants to be taken seriously as an adult.
The woman who believes she can see angels.
The man who is a recovering bulimic with a gret sense of humour.
The blonde woman who nobody knows is a lesbian yet.
The cockney man getting over the crumbling of his high school sweetheart marriage.
The failed stand-up comedian who thinks she is a lot funnier than she really is.
The white woman who has recently converted to Islam and isn’t scary.
The Eastern European woman who moved to this country to work for a better life.
The man who has recently got married in a civil partnership and doesn’t do ‘trendy.’
The stupid young orange girl that has a lot to learn about human interaction.
The white well-educated man who hasn’t told anyone that he is a member of the BNP yet.
The man who reads comics but doesn’t smell of hobbits. Geek chic!
The woman who is really an alien. Or a puppet. I don’t mind which.
Now that I would watch!
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