The One Where Mike Fielding’s Acting Makes Hollyoaks Look Like Hamlet…
I tried. I really tried. But I just couldn’t watch any more of The Mighty Boosh series 3 episode 2. I had hoped that after the ropey first episode it would improve but it was just not to be, as all of the things that bugged me about it continued to bug. I listed the things on Facebook (as there is apparently no world outside of Facebook any more) and they included the following:
Jazz!
Cockernees!
Big hair!
Shiny suit!
Shit songs about food!
Clumpy shoes!
Synthesizers!
Crows!
Rubbish American friend who they always give work to!
When punks! and scat! jazz! were added to the equation, along with more shit indie band members given cameos I had to do a dramatic leap off the sofa and out of the room. For effect, of course. And it was more of a struggle to get up as I have a bad back. Then I came back in and found the special button on the HDD that those modern Cybermen like so much. Goodbye Boosh!
I think my old mate Christopher Bate summed it up best on Facebook (told you so) with this response in our discussion on the show’s merits. He wrote his own version and here it is:
VINCE
Look at my hair.
HOWARD
Aren’t you outlandish with your all-in-one? I have a pull over, a moustache and a love of jazz so I must be uncool.
VINCE
Everyone knows that this show is about me because I have the most appeal but the lesser talent.
HOWARD
That’s true. I can branch out. I was in Nathan Barley.
VINCE
So was I.
HOWARD
Were you?
VINCE
Yeah, I played, uh, that guy I played. I was wacky.
HOWARD
Hmm.
VINCE
Cheese Monkey! Crab eyes!
HOWARD
You’re so crazy! Isn’t this just odd? Bum Hammers! Where am I?
VINCE
Look what I’m wearing again. I’m vapid but people love me because I’m a bit feminine.
HOWARD
So’s Eddie Izzard but he has talent where as you- Oh, There’s Naboo.
NABOO
Can’t. Act.
HOWARD
Naboo, what’s going on this week?
NABOO
Same. Old. Shit.
VINCE
Cool!
Noel/Vince fiddles with his hair. Girls go bananas.
HOWARD
We’re floundering. What was funny with the idiots last series?
NOEL/VINCE
The cockney guy with the Polo eye.
HOWARD
Let’s put him in again.
NOEL/VINCE
What a wacky universe we have created. Have you read NME this week?
HOWARD
No. I mean yes. Donkey wasp!
NOEL/VINCE
Have you seen my hair? My naïve fashion sense is going to get us in trouble and you’re going to have to bail us out because, well, you’re older and less likely to get split ends.
HOWARD
I miss ‘The Hen and Chickens’ and my wife.
NOEL/VINCE/SAME OLD VOICE
Let’s do a song.
HOWARD/VINCE/NABOO/A MONKEY/ANNOYING AMERICAN M.F
Cheese pie/ cheese pie/ some kind of soup/ a nice soup/ a funny soup/ soup/ and biscuits!
VINCE/NOEL/WHO GIVES NINE SHITS
The banal tossers at the students union will love this! They’ll lap it up like dogs that couldn’t write this shit themselves but, in reality, a three-year old child could. They’ll remark how ironic it is and buy our t-shirts. Let’s go on a convoluted adventure that plays on our overly worn character traits.
HOWARD
Let’s not.
VINCE/NME
The Horrors!
HOWARD
We’re switched on because we know bands of the moment.
VINCE/VINCE/NOEL
Quiet! I’m wanking over my own shadow.
HOWARD
Brilliant.
Tomorrow: Normal service is resumed when Dan looks at the last week of Daily Express covers and feels a bit Groundhog Day-ish. Again. Then he resists the urge to do the crap joke where he repeats what he has just typed as it is about as funny as a scat jazz virus.
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