It’s time for mega Nerd Nonsense Comicon-related uber-geeky excitement round-up time!

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Item! The Prisoner remake is ready and looks good to these eyes. It’s not spooky swirly 60s marvellous nonsense in Wales but for what it is it is good.

Item! The trailer for Dexter series 4? Oh yes!

New book on its way soon too, in that whole Earth 2 Dexterverse way.

Item! Russell T Davies has been talking about the (over) reaction to certain things what did happen in that Torchwood thing off the telly. No, not the whole giving the 10% least academic children to a freaky three-headed projectile-vomiting alien but the fourth killing off of a member of the team from the first episode:

It’s not particularly a backlash. What’s actually happening is, well, nothing really to be honest. It’s a few people posting online and getting fans upset. Which is marvelous. It just goes to prove how much they love the character and the actor. People often say, ‘Fans have got their knives out!’ They haven’t got any knives. I haven’t been stabbed. Nothing’s happened. It’s simply a few people typing. I’m glad they’re typing because they’re that involved. But if you can’t handle drama you shouldn’t watch it. Find something else. Go look at poetry. Poetry’s wonderful.

On accustations of homophobia (yeah, really):

I think you can forget about people picking up gay rights as an issue. It’s rather like children picking up nursery blocks and waving them in the air but having no idea what it entails. We’re talking about issues in my entire life here, not just one small television program. If they did research they’d go and look at the history of gay and lesbian characters that I have put on screen. They should simply grow up, do some research, and stop riding on a bandwagon that they actually don’t know anything about.

That told ‘em, Uncle Russ!

Oh… stop it.

Item! How will the delicate little Torchwood fans (do they have a group name?) cope with Caprica? Probably not well. Big Cheese Jane Espenson (remember her?) let some cats out of bags about the forthcoming Battlestar Galactica prequel:

Caprica is set in the colonies 58 years before the events that launch the BSG series (the Cylon attack). It’s the story of the events leading to the creation of the first Cylon (not the first skinjob), and the events that follow. It’s not like BSG in that it’s not a war story. It’s more serialized, with stories based in the lives of characters living in a culture that driving itself toward its own destruction.
We’ve got organized crime and religious conflict and terrorism and show business and corporate misdeeds and robots. The tone is not unlike Mad Men or Rome or Sopranos — lots of events, often dark events, but with a light enough touch to allow all the irony and denial of real life. We concentrate on two families: The Graystones and the Adamas, and the people around them.

Hmm… I do believe I might well be watching that. More nerdy shit tomorrow as my limp wrists cannot take any more typing today.

More yawnsome BBC bashing over at the Mail, who had just stopped going on and on about that evil pensioner-bothering Jonathan Ross only to be confronted by the reality of what they had turned the BBC into by getting thousands of their readers to complain about something they had neither seen nor heard… enter Carol Thatcher with Gollygate (or some other tosh), getting Mad Mel(anie Phillips) all ‘PC Gone Mad!’:

If the BBC had intended to convince the public that it had departed altogether from reality and common sense and resided instead in some alternative Stalinist universe, it could hardly have done a better job. Ms Hunt was unrepentant.

BBC Big Cheese Jay Hunt got rid of Thatch from The One Show, to probably appease the outraged masses and shut them all up but ended up getting a slating anyway.. .

When it was pointed out to her that many other BBC entertainers – notably Jonathan Ross – had used deeply offensive words on air but were still working for the Corporation, Ms Hunt brushed this aside. Ross had apologised fully, she said. So that’s all right then! Viewers and listeners will continue to be assaulted by smut and obscenity on air, but a presenter who makes an injudicious comment in private will be sacked. But this was in fact the most startling point of all in Ms Hunt’s performance. For she maintained repeatedly that the ‘green room’ was not private – because Carol had made her remark in front of a group of people.

So Melainie Phillips who appears on Question Time and The Moral Maze will not work for the ‘Stalinist’ Corporation again out of principle? Let’s see…

The crucial point remains that Carol’s remark, whatever it was, was not broadcast. It was made in the ‘green room’ which was a place that by no reasonable interpretation could be called a public space. For that she has been sacked and publicly hung out to dry as a racist.

Ms Hunt’s performance this morning offers us a chilling insight into the totalitarian universe of the BBC mind, which we can all now clearly see is sealed shut.

Oh do be quiet.

Massive thumbs down from the readers for Dave.

Damn you all.

I think the answer here is “yes.”

Meanwhile in the absurd bisexualist world of Hollyoaks, everyone’s at it and we are meant to believe that soulless dead-eyed bisexual goons are irresistible and everyone loves a go on the local loudmouth rubbish tranny.

Damnit, is nobody heterosexual any more?

Stop it now.

Talking of gender benders, Annie Lennox has turned into a French & Saunders sketch tribute to Ash or something:

And talking of bisexualists, Torchwood is almost back…


What a rude sign!

Ever since they created ‘Sachsgate’ the Daily Mail has been on a constant alert to find a new BBC story that they can make its readers upset about on behalf of ‘the silent majority’ who never actually saw or heard the programme in the first place, so it was only a matter of time before Mister John Barrowman gave them an opportunity. The following story is utterly brilliant in its stupidity and illustrates why I love the mindset of moronic sheep who love to be told what to be outraged about…

The BBC was engulfed in another decency row today after one of its highest profile stars exposed himself live on air. Doctor Who actor John Barrowman revealed himself in a pre-watershed Radio 1 show. Parts of the show – but not the controversial moment – were broadcast online via a webcam. A producer hastily covered the webcam when Barrowman, 41, unzipped his flies after being prompted by The Switch presenters Annie Mac and Nick Grimshaw. The quick response managed to preserve Barrowman’s modesty and prevent web viewers from seeing the lewd act.

The Scottish-American actor, best known for his role as Captain Jack Harkness in Doctor Who and its spin-off series Torchwood, made the studio erupt in screams and wild laughter. It comes despite BBC director-general Mark Thompson’s promise for greater controls following the outcry over the Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross obscene call.Producers have been warned that swearing and potentially offensive output must be approved by the controller of each station or channel.

The BBC confirmed Barrowman had exposed himself on the programme, but said it was not visible to online viewers.

It also said Mac apologised at the end of the show and that no complaints had been received last night.

So nothing actually happened? And nobody who listened to it complained? Phew! I was about to go on a hunger strike to protest about the licence fee.

Meanwhile, in a parallel world (Daily Mail Island)…

Yes, Barrowman was unheard of before this incident but since copying Sid Vicious’s infamous wanger exposure on Pick Of The Pops… meh.

Roger forgot to read the article or maybe juast saw the word ‘penis’ and got over-excited.

I thought gays had immunity in these kind of cases.

Indeed. Bloody slefish bastards, the lot of them. What does this TAX acronym stand for?

Poor Helena, she’s never been the same since she saw that todger.

Scum? Ray Winstone IS The Doctor!

Lizzy has obviously spent a lot of time worrying about what people she cannot see are doing with their genitals.

Indeed, won’t somebody think of our childrens’ children? Blimey, shouldn’t breeding at that age be illegal?

But nobody SAW it!!!!!! Can you read? Still, bloody shrill giggling queers, eh?

There was an episode of Torchwood made before Barrowman was camp? Really?

That’s right, it’s all the fault of The Muslims. Er…

And then my head exploded.

It’s the weekend. Thank generic chocolate honeycomb. Or not, it rots yer teef.

Week 3 of Publishers’ Rep’s Office Manager was very nice. I visited a branch of my old bookshop chain and chipped in with the selling points on stuff we wanted the depressed buyer to buy. Depressed buyers don’t like buying stuff though. I resisted tidying the shop and nobody said “do you work here?” to me, which was nice. And I was wearing a suit so I felt immortal. Or was it immoral?

While oot and aboot I bumped into Superfriend in Forbidden Planet and he produced a care package of cake from the sorely-missed local bookshop area sandwich shop. God I miss that cake, the new local sandwich shop is a health catastrophe waiting to happen so I mostly make my own or buy strage baked ogods from Spar. Arrr…

My other adventures included going to my first meeting, in my suit, with a publishing company. Sitting staring at different book jacket designs and picking them apart was nice, as was knowing what I was talking about and dealing with grownups. They were v v posh as the place was in Fancy Fancy Chelsea. There’s a chav exclusion zone around the place, apparently.

I wish there was one on my local bus route as it is infested by Stella-drinking can-chucking morons who love to listen to loud cacoponies of shite with their “bitches.” The men are bitches too, I am not a seximsist. Today’s bus stop characters included Grinning Pissed Smoking Rollups Man, Scary Feist Old Lady and Stroppy screamy Children Woman. I love them all.

New issue of Buffy Season Eight is out.

As is new issue of Captain Britain & MI13. Both are smashing good fun.

The new Torchwood season/story’s name has been revealed. I could tell you…

… but here’s a plastic Captain Spike From Buffy John instead.*

I am excited about this:

The True Blood pilot has been slightly tweaked and here is a new trailer.

Phil from Worapalava is quite right about Solange. But how do I say her name? MP3 here. I like it.

Heroes is almost back in a new trailer …

… and it’s going to be shown on BBC2 close to the US transmission dates. How considerate!

In other news, Ben and Darrell have been exploring an arse in their new Roadshow Week video extravagamza at TATP. So go there. Please.

*It’s called Children Of Earth.

Last week was “everything is expensive by x% compared to y” so this week must be pseudo-science week:

I want me some wonder gel right now but I think it’s only found on Paradise Island. That might explain how those pezky Amazons have such lovely hair even though they are hidden from the rest of civilisation. Alternative idea: It’s balls. And why is Cate Blanchett in Tragic Blonde Corner? Do they know something we don’t know?

I have no more room for toys, which is quite handy after seeing the new range that Book Monkey Lance pointed out to me:

My Margaretemoticon says:

Oh dear.

I might mention the new Doctor Who ones later this week, if I can cope with the horror.

Talking of Dok-Torrrr:

I really quite enjoyed The Haunting Of Thomas Brewster which surprised me considering it has Leslie Ash in it (she’s been tainted in my eyes with the unnecessary autobiography last Christmas) and someone from Hollyoaks. Yes, really. But fear ye not, it’s all good fun even if the poor old cockernee accents are a bit drama club in places. The story is another one set in that time between The Doctor getting rid of ‘Mouth On Legs’ Tegan and finding her again in a purely coincidental way, and it extends that time period (again) by over a bloody year. Listen to it and you’ll know what I mean. It also features an idea that should really happen a hell of a lot more often when you think about it…

What a horrible day. My brain is warped out of all normal shape from budgets, spreadsheets and imaginary too-old books. I served a woman who looked like a boy impersonating Alan Bennett (I guess you had to be there) and a pushy American lady who said “I’m going to be really American now…” and proceeded to drive me slightly mad with crazy demands. Still at least she was self-aware.

Random thought of the day: Did Prince invent txt spk? All those odd song titles were really way ahead of their time. I blame his purple randiness for the cheapening of our once great English language. He even turned his own name into a squiggle for a while in the 90s, how chavvy is that?

Have I mentioned this week’s Torchwood yet? I don’t want to do spoilers but you really should have seen it by now.

Good episode, bad use of incidental music on the Declassified show. Using Morrissey’s song about Mexican gangsters’ mortality was factually inaccurate in this context. Have they forgotten Suzie? Who they kept killing?

I bought some clothes, I love a bargain, I also love looking stoopid:

Tomorrow: One more day at work before my holiday. Hooray, but I am not Boney M.

Good byron.

I had a complicated journey into an obscure part of (Northish) London yesterday for a long old meeting which consisted of walk / tube / frantic bus stop search / bus / walk getting horribly lost / swearing and arrival. I ‘enjoyed’ what I assume is the official bus quota of one scary growly smelly obese lady with loads of dirty bags, one person who gets in everybody’s way and several children who don’t know how to not be too noisy. I also ‘enjoyed’ the logic of having a bookshop in a place where no tubes or buses go, where you have to walk around a carpark and over a massive bridge (and more if you get lost because you’re rubbish like I am) to get there, taking care not to be run over. Today I am not leaving the bloody house as I have comics and Doctor Who CDs to listen to. Marvellous.

Talking of those roundy soundy things…
The Bride Of Peladon is a good old fashioned Doctor Who romp. If you’re an old skool fan then you’ll definitely love it as I am and I did. An audio guilty pleasure if you like, with the following points that will hopefully tempt you:

*******SLIGHT SPOILERS ALERT!*******

Peri arguing with an Ice Warrior.
Alpha Centauri worrying about crow’s feet.
Phyllida Law being a snooty snotty moo.
Nick Briggs doing an Arcturus voice.
Some shit involving a new Aggador.
Doctor 5.0 doing the hypnosis song.
Secret passages! Gasp!
Jenny Agutter!
More Peladon royal family palavas with murdering secret stuff.
A spaceship crash in the style of that ‘Androzani’ cliffhanger.
The surprise villain revealed!
Another poxy wedding.
“When I do leave, I promise you this, it won’t be because I’m going to marry some alien king”

****SLIGHT SPOILERS ARE OVER****

Did I mention That Mitchell And Webb Look being on the telly tomorrow night?

One for the nerds:

THE LOST BOYS: REIGN OF FROGS #1
Written by Hans Rodionoff
Art by Joel Gomez & Don Ho
Cover by Jonathan Wayshak
Before Buffy…before Blade…there was one name that was whispered in fear and awe among the undead: The Frog Brothers. Edgar and Alan Frog, the no-nonsense vampire slayers from the cult film The Lost Boys, are back with a vengeance in a 4-issue miniseries that bridges the gap between their adventures in the original film and the upcoming feature THE LOST BOYS: THE TRIBE, due to be released this summer. Find out what’s happened since the first film, brought to you in various shades of crimson by Hans Rodionoff (Mnemovore) and Joel Gomez (Wetworks)!
On sale May 14 • 1 of 4 • 32 pg, FC, $3.50 US • MATURE READERS

Hmmm…

Oh yeah, and (Dok-Torrr) Martha Jones is back. Tonight, BBC2, 9PM. Or last week at 10 if you watched BBC Three but what with their new style making my eyes hurt I tend to mostly treat it like ITV*

*The Harry Hill Channel.

So what have we learnt today?

Not to drink tea when the milk has gone all funny because some people don’t know the rules of rotation in the bookshop fridge: FIFO! First In, First Out! Or something.

Some people do not know that Dale Winton is a gay.

Jesus laid eggs, which is how he resurrected at Easter and that’s why we have Easter eggs.

Some people can see a big picture of a book on a big poster but not the big price next to the big book.

Krispy Kreme are my speed. I only had one and was buzzing like a buzzer. Without the buzzy noise. I have never seen the point of real speed, and not just coz it is Drugz, which is bad.

It’s very nice to get a Valentine’s Day card but flowers are a waste of money so posh mash is an acceptable substitute. Lemon meringue pie is an acceptable substitute for a box of chocolates.

Once again I liked Torchwood, even though it was ultimately a bit pointless. An alieny man thing creature called Adam or maybe nothing got into the Scooby Gang’s memories and became their co-worker / buddy, but only existed as long as they believed he was who he said he was. Which is never going to work in a place with more CCTV than that awful Hard-Fi album cover. Still, we got to see alt-versions of the folks from the secret place: Toshiko had another bad relationship in unnatural cicumstances, just like the time with the defrosted solder and the time with the bisexual gaylien lady thing. Owen wore glasses and cardigans because he was The Torchwood Geek. Ianto was a murdering murderer. Gwen forgot who Rhys was. Captain John Barrowman had a rubbish flashback involving Gray which is becoming this year’s Bad Wolf / Saxon plot thread. Meh but no but it was quite fun, with some nice little scenes when they had to give up their fantasy lives and be the insecure softies they really are. Then Captain John Barrowman ruined it with a cock gag. And a puzzle box. Has he never seen any of the Hellraiser movies?

Next week: Arthur or Martha? It’s Martha of course, with Jim Robinson From Neighbours. Will he have a heart attack and die again?

After the ‘shock fall’ in house prices:

Whatever next, eh? Oh. Diana’s back! And she’s still dead from not wearing a seatbelt in a drunk driver driven car. What fun.

I am currently spending too much money on Doctor Who CDs from Big Finish. Damnit! The newest one, The Condemned, is not bad at all, and is yet another new line-up for one of the Doctors. After The Doctor (Version 8.0) thought that his companion Charley was dead and vice versa, just exactly what were the chances of the Edwardian adventurer being rescued by The Doctor (Version 6.0)? How very coincidence-y. Still, at least it wasn’t Captain John Barrowman, as I don’t think she’d enjoy the endless cock gags. And when I say gags I mean jokes not actual gagging on cock. Yuck. So, the plot? Yes. Er, well… Charley is a terrible liar but manages to maybe convince The Doctor that she doesn’t know him (and he hasn’t got a bloody clue as it hasn’t happened yet) and is ignorant about all that timey wimey travel stuff, they end up in a council block in 2008 Manchester(ford) with a plot involving aliens with funny DNA devices, a ghost that isn’t really a ghost (or is it?) and several guest stars from the previous series of Doctor Who (Version 10.0). Phew.

It’s the perfect thing to fill some of the waiting time until Easter when That Show returns to our television screens.

Coming tomorrow:

Hmmm… I am surprised to be enjoying Torchwood as much as I am at the moment. Unlike Ashes To Ashes, which was rubbish.

Last night’s Torchwood was about alien meat as a thinly veiled The Meat Industry Is So Cruel episode. I wondered how long it would take Captain John Barrowman do make the obvious quip… about ten minutes or so. He really is a horribly rubbish gay, isn’t he? I liked it when Gwen said “it’s not Scooby Doo!” because it blatantly is, almost every week. They even have a Mystery Machine although it has been sprayed black because it is like a well secret organisation. A cameo by Morrissey singing That Song would have been nice, but this was a reasonably good episode, mainly because they kept Barrowman away from the camera as much as possible and he didn’t get to snog any poor unsuspecting men / women / things.

No. It’s not. Stupid tabloids are, with dumb stories warning of the dangers of spending too much time on the computer and not being aware that there is more to life than ‘poking’ someone you went to school with but never really liked all that much but enjoy Facebook because it keeps them at arm’s length.

Gone to the geek newsagent …

Back tomorrow.