Project76 loves Look Around You. (10pm BBC2 Mondays. ie. just finished on telly). We think you should love it too… for its accurate spoofing of 1980s science shows and its scary surreal moments like Music 2000 judged by Tchaikovsky’s ghost played by Harry Enfield, and Mark Heap playing a man with a silly walk who has invented an aerosol of silence involving liquid skin. Dan Project76 had a futuristic keyboard as a child and sampled himself, his younger sister and Grandmother and made very annoying tunes out of it, annoying his entire family for hours at a time and once had a conversation with Look Around You co-star and co-writer Peter Serafinowicz outside a toilet in a theatre and he was most polite! Buy series 1 on DVD… it’s great!

No photoshop or any other inferior graphics software was used in the following image:

What the flipflop does he think he looks like? Only 2 nosejobs to help him breathe better, My arse! Let the media circus begin again…

An elderly double-barrelled religious couple from Somerset were in the shitty tabloids this week as they bought what they thought was a Doris Day DVD from a certain supermarket chain but when they popped it in the player it turned out to be a bit naughty! If this happened to a normal person surely they would eject it, take it back to the shop and complain? Not if you probably read the Daily Mail you wouldn’t!

I quote: “It was a pretty raunchy, explicit film, it certainly pulled no punches. My wife and I were very shocked but we watched it until the end because we couldn’t believe what we were seeing. The film became progressively more graphic, there was no plot to it, it was just sex.”

They returned it to the shop but are still very anxious and upset. They had not heard of an ‘off’ switch just like those people who watched all of Jerry Springer: The Opera on the telly the other week even though they knew they would hate it.

I am so young and trendy… except that I refuse to text message without the correct spellings, grammar and punctuation. I am listening to The Killers CD and feel cool. I am not nearly 32. Honestly, it’s all a big lie…

Do not go to bed with your contact lenses and then wake up thinking that you have been cured of your pisspoor eyesight. I did and it’s not a good thing. I really don’t know how it happened as it’s about as likely as forgetting to put your clothes on before you leave for work in the morning, and I wasn’t even remotely drunk! All I know is I have a big headache now and had lenses glued to my eyeballs most the day. My typing has been officially super-dyslexic. Don’t do it, kids!

This is not my eye but how it should’ve looked:

Grumble grumble. Had terrible sleep last night so no wit is left for the blog. Boo hiss boo! Off to bed for early night. I feel like Jackie Stallone looks, I wonder what she sees when she looks in that mirror?

A very large baby has been born in Brazil. Ademilton Ramos dos Santos weighed 16lb 7oz, which is over twice their national average newborn weight. In Heat Magazine terms that’s the Olsen twin who’s been having problems with her sinuses or Victoria Beckham minus the fake boobies. Ouch…

The Daily Express (hide the knives) had a nasty article today about a supposed ‘Gay History Month’ or was it a week , I dunno. Anyway, the point was that schools were gonna teach kids that gay people have been around as long as regular people and notice a few examples from history. Bit like Black History Month, and to help against homophobic bullying and such nasty behaviour. All very sensible, no? Yeah but no…. Dr Adrian Rogers from the Family Values people thinks not. He said that it was a big exercise in social engineering and a waste of ‘our’ money. I for one don’t mind ‘my’ money going towards this and even if I did I don’t have control over where all my taxpaying cash goes to as that would be a logistical nightmare. Imagine the paperwork! He also ranted on to say that this kind of thing would just encourage the kids who want to become gay to actually think it’s a good thing and therefore become gay. Hmmm… I see the logic there, mate. You fool! I had to laugh but must remember that stupid fuckin’ people actually believe this spiteful ploppy nonsense. Funny old world

Pavarotti is now so fat that he had to be winched onto a beach with an elaborate series of pulleys and levers… sort of. I quote , from the news somewhere online, an ‘onlooker’:

“Pavarotti was determined to get onto the sand and swim in the sea, but actually getting there was quite a kerfuffle. It turned into a military operation with two men taking the strain on ropes behind him as he took one step at a time down to the beach. Unfortunately, by the time he reached the bottom he had gathered so much momentum that he went tumbling forward and ended up in a heap. It was awful to watch – he just looked so helpless. He has grown into an absolute monster and is very unfit. His legs were all swollen, he was wheezing and he was sweating heavily.”

Was the onlooker one Lou Todd? Why didn’t Andy assist him?

I have looked at a lot of pictures of rude ladies recently , and some rude men too… to protect the nation’s youth of course! As boobies and fannies have no effect on me it has become my (self-appointed) duty at work to vet all naughty books (sex guides and smuty photo books) to see if they would attract hormonal crazed teens to come in the shop, get funny feelings they don’t quite understand and make lots of noise and mess (litter and stuff, nuffink sexual). This saves me having to throw them out and get called names by the rubbish little mingers. It’s a dirty job but someone has to do it…