Hello. I have been today to see some very nice people at Xara. They have a wonderful office, as you can see:

Does that look familiar to you Little Britainettes? Well, I’m not surprised.

I can heartily recommend their web design, vector and 3D graphics design packages. I got the full tour today. And they are very nice people too. I recommend that you visit their website right away!

We’ll be using some of their packages for the new version of the web site, which will be complete very shortly. All of the navigation is due to be re-engineered to make it even easier to use. So keep watching; we’d like to hear from you if you want to suggest improvements you’d like to see. Cheers

Whoops! Little Chef has gone a bit wrong and is up for sale. It’s changed so much since I used to work for them in the 90s when I was young and my cynicism hadn’t kicked in… I can still recite the entire menu from 1990 – 1995 to this very day, which is one of the less useful tricks the brain plays on us. Such happy days working like skivvies for various butch manageresses, squabbling over tips, microwaving eggs for fun, spitting in food and dealing with such local characters as the toast perfectionist who would send back her toast several times if it was not to her exact specification, the old couple who were banned from every other Little Chef for miles around and the endless married men in with their mistresses for an illicit all day breakfast. Happy days! An insider was quoted as saying “The only people who visited Little Chef were the elderly, the young, and people who wanted to use the lavatories.” This is very true as the service has gone down since I got a proper job! Slimming down the Chef logo didn’t help so it’s bye bye fatty chef!

aka Jordan and Peter Andre are ‘avin’ a bay-bee! Will they eschew all tabloid newspapers, chav television and glossy celebrity magazines and stay at home until well after the birth? Or will they exploit their tacky relationship and future child at every opportunity in a ‘tasteless desperate for attention of any kind’ manner? Hmmm….

The Anglican church loves the gays. Loves us so much that it fractured itself because some of the churchy folks in America and Canada were nice to us and gave us cakes and said we could love each other like straight people do and didn’t call us horrible names. The rest of the church didn’t like this and said they had to call us gaylords and act all poofy in front of us with their hands on their hips coz that is what they have always done. So the American and Canadian churchy folks said no and now they got Chinese burns and the church is fractured! How silly!

This man has a funny beard and glasses that he bought in the 1980s. He is old and has old-fashioned ideas that are silly in the 21st century! He looks a bit like he should be in Doctor Who.

I love my new digital camera. It has taken over my life. More from our weekend trip:

Drink is bad, kids. Don’t do it!

I feel broody again!

Picture postcard? View from our window. Sort of.

We went to Bath and Bristol for the weekend, and it was luvverleeeee! The visit to Broadmead, the main high streety shopping area of Bristol reminded me of the birthplace of Vicky Pollard as that was where Matt Lucas was inspired by a genuine inarticulate teenager he interviewed for a student film, fact fans! It’s still grim and smelly and full of bovine women with their hair pulled back and staple-gunned to their heads, pushing mewling kids with their ears pierced. Nice! But it does have a Forbidden Planet shop, phew! We had possibly the best panninis ever made and a nice cup of coffee followed by some Thorntons chocolate to round off a taste sensation. I took some photos of various things, all too hideous or dull to show here, with my lovely new toy: the digital camera!
In Bath we went to the most largest and ornatest curry house in the world ever, which resembled a Victorian hall where women in petticoats would act like ladies while sipping tea with scones. Must have been table space for a few hundred people and it was full of rugger bugger types and a few 80s-style hair trendy types. And skinny girls in ponchos. The food was delicious and spicy and very very nice and this is getting dull now so here are some photos of us with one of our favourite small people who had a cold, hence the runny nose…

Awwww sweet! She kept trying to escape from my clutches but bonded well with Jamie and his funny faces. May have to steal a baby from a pram outside the post office next week. Only joking… probably.

Hate hate hate those stupid drivers usually found on the roads on a Sunday, who have even worse lane control than me. You’ll never see me behind the wheel again as I value my life and that of my passengers. Although I would hapily drive if I could accidentally misjudge my distance from the vehicle pictured below…

Doesn’t anyone teach children not to stick their heads out of moving vehicles these days?

Tori Amos’ new CD ‘The Beekeeper’ is out. ‘It’s all very nice but she ain’t half mad. The limited edition version comes with a dvd where she talks about the songs, and it hurt my brain quite a bit. But she’s still great, although all that dying seems to have made her hair very dry!

The new Doves CD is also out but I still haven’t received it yet. Bugger!

Desperate Housewives is still on TV in the USA and is more mental that ever. This week involved a rubbish pool party, another young topless male gardener played by a way-too-old for the role actor (again), the head of the school absinence team wanting to unlock her metaphorical chastity belt and ended with two characters being caught in a compromising position, with the words “I’m not gay!” being bleated. Trash but good trash.

I got a digital camera for my birthday (which is on Monday) so there will probably be endless odd photos on here in the near futre. Off to Bath soon for a few days, the place not the object filled with water. Must get some more bathroom tiling done…

Weirdest news of the day is that pint-sized Malcolm In The Middle star Frankie Muniz who is 19 yet plays a sinister teenage semi-genius on the telly’s dog has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. The dog has been given a course of Prozac but is now a bit scared of cats. “He eats his paw and stuff… he was on Prozac for a while and now they switched him to Clomacom, which is even stronger,” said the strange little twerp. How bizarre! Is Paris Hilton’s little rat dog in therapy? Is Geri Halliwell’s shitzu a doggie bulimic? I don’t know. Or care.

I love wonky-faced ugly nazi leader of the BNP Nick Griffin. Well, not love but I like the way he makes fascists look far worse than any rational person could imagine, therefore showing them up for the bunch of ignorant stupid cunts they really are. Ooh! I used the C word! He’s upset because Michael Howard is nicking his potential supporters! Here’s a snatch from The Mirror from today:
Mr Griffin said there should only be 10,000 non-whites in the country and that people should “stop pretending” it was not natural for humans to be racist.
I don’t think I am pretending to not be racist. I only hate stupid rude ignorant vile people, regardless of colour. That’ll be the BNP then. How does he expect his 10,000 non- white people idea to work then? In a ‘Test The Nation’ style survey involving nazi thugs knocking on your door? Twat!