I don’t get the young disaffected youth of today. More specifically, their clothes. It’s compulsory to wear branded sportswear only! Not even jeans or proper shoes! Are they sponsored by JB Sports or whatever it’s called and how do they afford all this stuff? Nicking it? Oh, yeah. Or marketstalls. Anyway, just for once, when I look out the window due to loud incoherent noises that turn out to be a group of rat-faced teenagers I would love to see one without white trainers, trackie bottoms, hoody and cap. Or a pushchair. Just once. Can I have a TV show called ‘Chav Makeover Challenge’ or something, where they get a new wardrobe and lessons on how to behave in public? Please? I am only thinking of the children. Like Whitney Houston, I believe they are the future. But then she’s a loopy crackhead so what does she know?

This is real. I see this kind of thing every day…

��€œI was famous, I was extremely handsome, I was stunningly talented in every possible way … and that makes me very attractive.”

Could Jonathan King possibly be more inappropriate? He plugged his new CD immediately after being released (from prison where he was doing time for underage sex, not the CD itself) and did a Vicky Pollardesque “I ain’t never not dun nuffink wrong so shut up! and anyway they all thought I was gorgeous ” Ah, that makes it alright then.

… so sung Tony Christie in the 90s on ‘Walk Like A Panther’ by The All-Seeing Eye.

Now that halfwit in a leotard is more like a has-been in lycra!

90s rubbish pop dweeb Chesney Hawkes does weightlifting.
Red Dwarf star Craig Charles does sumo wrestling.
Danny who was once from Hearsay does extreme ice skating. Or something.
The Games, Channel 4. Please stop!

After two days indoors I ventured out into London today. My highlights were:
Seeing a man fall up the down escalator in HMV (he was trying to get off it after realising he didn’t want to go downstairs or something but left it too late and didn’t make it back up in time).
Spotting minor celeb the woman who played Patricia Farnham off Brookside on her mobile.
A delicious brie, tomato and basil baguette from Pret (where else?)
Buying a new coat in Muji, as it was a thing I wouldn’t normally do (isn’t that a song?).
New comics from Forbidden Planet. As usual.
Ignoring all the needy ‘happy to help’staff in Gap.
Coming home for a nice cup of tea.
Finding the new episode of 24 waiting for me on the computer.
Etc etc.

Comics and tea go together like tea and biscuits.

HRH Sir Prince Charles has got to say sorry to Camilla’s old husband before he can marry her, said the church people. The Bishop of Salisbury said he must atone for committing adultery, which is quite amusing but Camilla don’t have to say sorry to no-one! I’m sure she was a naughty girl too but she’s a laydee so it’s alright or sumfink. Maybe it’s like when Queen Victoria said lesbians weren’t bad coz she didn’t fink they were real… I think they should have a big royal wrestling match on the telly over her. Or fight with giant cottonbuds like what they used to do on ‘Gladiators.’

Camilla has every issue of ‘I Love Horses’ collected in the free ring binder with issue 1.

Doctor Who beat Ant and Dec in the ratings. Was there ever any doubt? The geordie ‘variety’ show is a Noel’s House Party for the new milennium, appealing to dads in football shirts and mums with home highlighting kits and too much gold. Yes, I am a bitch. Whatever!
From the BBC News site:
Unofficial overnight figures show the programme got an average of 9.9 million viewers – 43.2% of all viewers – with a peak of 10.5 million viewers, a 44.3% share of the audience.
However, the Time Lord had Graham Norton breathing down his neck too, as a technical problem meant the sound from Strictly Dance Fever was briefly played over the opening scenes of Doctor Who.
“There was a technical problem which was resolved as quickly as possible,” a BBC spokesperson said.
“We apologise if it affected viewers’ enjoyment of Doctor Who.”

Boo hiss boo technical problem my arse! Orf wiv their ‘eads!

It’s all real I tell you… the site from the episode the other night!

“Lots of planets have a north.”

You can never please everyone but the new Doctor Who is pretty damn good. Except for the BBC cocking up the sound with interruptions from the Graham Norton live link. Someone needs to get a slapped wrist for that one. Of course the special efects weren’t as good as a big screen movie because of the unique way the BBC is funded. They were pretty good though, although the explosion at the department store looked a bit cartoony. The hand was great, if a bit Addams Family and the autons were entertaining. Billie Piper was fine. Remember that previous companions just don’t have the range! (Matthew Waterhouse I mean you, stand up Bonnie Langford). Christopher Eccleston has always been a great actor and hasn’t changed. Russell T Davies has a proven track record of good funny dramatic scripts and is in his element here.

Top geeky moments: The auton brides do the hand flipping to produce weapons that shoot people, just like the old days. The internet geek Clive who is slightly obsessed with the Doctor. Rose not noticing her boyfriend was quite plasticy in the restaurant. He resembled Lenny Beige, I thought.

Top geeky criticisms: The lack of silly weird incidental music. No cliffhangers. Very fast pace. No regeneration sequence.

Billie shocks nobody by running off with an older man named Chris. Again.

Reasons why we love the new Doctor Who:

“Do you have a cat?” The auton arm hides behind the sofa and attacks the Doctor.

“It’ll never work. He’s gay and she’s an alien.” The Doctor flicks through Heat Magazine.

“Dad! One of your weirdoes is here. And it’s a girl!” Girls can be geeks too sometimes.

“What?” Rose spies the big round thing in London that controls the autons. The Doctor remains oblivious.

“Anti-plastic!” How very handy!

“Go eat some baked beans on toast.” The Doctor offers Rose some adventure.

“It also travels in time.” She’s convinced to leave with him.

Great designs, too!

There’s this old wobbly programme called Doctor Who which used to be on years ago and was a bit silly. It’s been made again and was on last night so there was an event in Ealing to celebrate the return. This consisted of eight people in a front room with a television, lots of cocktails, a cat that made me very allergic, nibbly food, some jellybabies and a quiz. As there were only three teams and what with me being king of the nerds, Jamie and me won some very nice chocolate to add to our collection. This made the shame of knowing far too much about bad cult TV worth it… just about. As I type this I am in allergy recovery mode with a hangover so I am amazed that I have managed to upload this at all!

Old Doctor Who consisted of lots of running round corridors and getting captured.

Adam and Helen enjoyed the cocktails and laughing at the amount of crap in my brain.

The wonderful Dalek cake. Beat that, Nigella!