There was a Dalek in Doctor Who tonight. No surprises as the episode in question is called ‘Dalek, ‘ and the hype has been a bit mental. I don’t get the excitement over the elevating (and are they voice-activated? “Elevate” indeed!) as it’s been done before but it was pretty damn cool for geeks like me. Loved the proper acting (compare and contrast the old clips on the BBCThree programme straight after it. Gurning is not showing a range, Mr McCoy) and enjoyed the running in corridors like the olden days… Can we keep Adam for the rest of the series and have him get into lots of peril? And maybe wear some shorts? With his hair all wet as it makes him look a bit soppy? *

“… the Dalek has just downloaded the entire internet.” Including this site? Bugger!

More Dalek designs to see at the BBC Site. And a fab Dalek game!
* Can you spot the Little Britain reference? Of course you can!

We went to Windsor with Peter and Jeremy in their *cough* 4by4… yeah I know, what a hypocrite but who am I to refuse a nice afternoon out in the sunshine laughing at tourists? Now got a case of sleepiness due to actually being outside for more than ten minutes for the first time this year…

A refreshing pint of lager but I had a shandy.

I won the pastiest man in Windsor award.

Some gays and a castle.

ITV are making ‘Celebrity Love Island’ to go up against the new series of ‘Big Brother.’ Celebrities on an island of love, you say? I say oh dear. The announced ‘celebs’ so far consist of:

Rebecca Loos (may have had an affair with David Beckham. Wanked a pig once on Channel Five’s ‘The Farm.’).

Abi Titmuss (had an affair with John Leslie (who didn’t rape Ulrika Jonsson) and gets her tits out for the lads mags on a weekly basis).

Callum Best (son of alcoholic ex-footballer George Best, famous for being the son of George Best and being a male slut. Took camera phone pics of a girl’s flange once).

Fran Cosgrove (appeared on ‘Im A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here’ and no one knew who he was. Has been inside one of Atomic Kitten.)

Someone from the show said this to a newspaper:
“We couldn’t think of a better line-up than Abi and Rebecca together… Just the thought of them strolling on the beach in bikinis will be enough to get any red-blooded bloke going. We just want to put the sexiest people in Britain together in the lap of luxury and see what happens.”

And I thought it sounded like a bunch of talentless desperate mingers who’ll do anything for a feature in ‘OK Magazine.’ I think not. At least Jordan is busy having a baby. Phew!

Please make it stop!

‘Big Brother’ is back soon but enough of last years’ wastes of skin just won’t stop trying to extend their 15 minutes into at least an hour of fame. Take Stuart and Michelle… please, take them. Anywhere away from television and magazines. They are on the front cover of the magazine equivalent of ‘that’s not my dog,’ : OK Magazine. Thrill as you discover why Michelle had a boob job (didn’t she have big boobs already?), why she was unhappy before she was famous but is now happy coz she is famous, her plans for their wedding, and stare in astonishment at her demonic stare in every photo where she clings to her poor idiot boyfriend for dear life. Insecure? She has enough issues for a mail order service dealing in old magazines you forgot to buy when they first came out. We need a cull in celebville, please.

“Please like me…. ah go on, go on, go on (chicken), go on…”

The wonderfully dry Chloe from ‘24′ is currently the best character on telly. As a computer expert with no/little social skills she is the last person you send out on a field mission, away from the safety of her computers. But of course that’s exactly what happened on ‘24′ this week and within minutes she was getting shot at, ending the episode with a bloody big machine gun in her hands and killing a terrorist over and over until they were very very dead indeed. Class! The producers have just signed her up for another season so there’s more to come…

Computer says can I stop trying to smile and fail yet?

…no, I haven’t found a poodle perm wig and some leather trousers and formed a Europe tribute band called Euro. I am counting down to the Doctor Who episode coming on Saturday… featuring a wonderful thing that has been off our screens for far too long and we want our own talking action figure of…

It’s the rather miaow-inducing Bruno of course. Dalek? What Dalek?

Evil foul tablod rag The Daily Mail has shocked me today. It has exposed a sordid secret about Camila Parker Bowles The Duchess Of Cornwall Mrs Prince Charles etc. When it is windy, her hair gets messed up! I am disgusted by this, she is obviously not fit to be the wife of the heir to the throne if she cannot even control the weather. Diana would have made the sun shine and maybe even a nice rainbow too.

Bad heir day…. Get it? Oh The Mail has the best puns! And the best tunes…

Scary Mister Bronson in 1980s Grange Hill off the telly, aka the actor Michael Sheard, has his own website. He’s been in loads of cult telly like Doctor Who and even Star Wars so keeps busy with conventions and stuff. But he still scares me when he has that ‘Sir Bernard Chumley’ wig on… He so needs a role in the new series of Little Britain.

“Pay attention, boy!”

Described by someone as like “Phil Spector producing The Spiders From Mars covering ‘Bridge Over Troubled Water, only bigger,” The Tears debut single, ‘Refugees,’ is out now. A chunk of The Tears used to be the creative part of Suede when they were great and after a nasty split ten years or so ago they have made up and made a great album which is out soon. I don’t usually buy singles but I may be tempted tomorrow if I want to escape the bookshop at lunchtime.

Silly lyric sample: “We’re all refugees, and we’re all drifting like leaves…”
It sounds a bit like ‘Trash’ by Suede, a bit like ‘Not Alone’ by Bernard Butler and a bit like ye olde Suede from the “I’m a bisexual who hasn’t had a homosexual experience” era. So exactly like it should sound, really. The video features endless snogging couples in what looks like a grim night time Romford. I may be wrong.

Bah! Reg and MyPartnerDavidFurnish are trying to upstage us! They reckon it’ll be a December ceremony probably in Windsor (insert Queen joke here) and no honeymoon as Sir Elton is touring. Sir Elton was previously married in 1984. To a lady!

“Non stop sex drugs and rock and roll? I’m so glad it’s over. That’s why I only done it for about 25 years…”