Guess who was spotted in the ‘celebrity’ area on BBC’s ‘Test The Nation’ this week?
Surely having a chip implanted in your brain constitutes cheating?

Hope Anne didn’t click her fingers while doing all the winking.

The Metropolitan Line on The Tube is poo. It is mostly random when working and has had engineering works on my branch every weekend since last October so no weekend journeys into London are remotely straightforward. Today I got to Harrow and the southbound service into London had been suspended, leaving hordes of angry commuters stuck glaring at the northbound trains which were clogging up the platforms. Lucky for me as that is what I needed but boo his boo for others again. One twatty man was shouting at the information people in their box and swore and banged the glass like a spoilt little child who had been refused cake. Calm down, dear! It’s London Underground! You have to pay extortionate prices for a service which is at best patchy with no seats and at worst like a train full of cows on their way to be stunned, and not by the rise in prices!

There is no air conditioning on the Tube! This is their advice for coping with heatwaves, which don’t take much nice weather to occur as there is no air conditioning:
“We know the Tube can be uncomfortable in hot weather. Here are a few tips, which will help to take the edge off the heat and minimise delays: Always carry a bottle of water with you.
Please don’t board a train if you feel unwell. If you begin to feel unwell please get off at the next stop and seek help from our staff. Please avoid pulling the passenger alarm between stations.”

So very helpful.

Beat the heat.
Don’t use the antiquated public transport system.
Stay at home and open the windows instead.

To paraphrase the eloquent speaker that is Daffyd Thomas of Llanddewi-Brefi:
“A gay black Tory fox-hunter? What planet are you on, woman?”
Planet Big Brother, of course!

Derek is a ‘friend’ of many top Tories of the past and is still chums with the Hamiltons. With the rumours about them and a big shocking conspiracy or two which are libellous to say the least, and a past association with extreme right-wing elements of the Tory party I am quite bemused! It’s rare that a gay man could be serious about associating with a political party with their track-record but to be black as well? He’s either a revolutionary trying to change the party from within or horribly misguided.

Project76 loves Kath&Kim and you should too. Thursdays BBC2 10 PM.

Nice… Different… Unusual.

Is it still National Vegetarian Week? I dunno. It always is for me, though. Vegetables are one of the main food groups in my mind, along with fruit, nuts, choclit, cake and shandy. The Guardian have an article today about the ‘supplier of choice to the organically-inclined middle classes’ which must mean us! Abel & Cole deliver a giant box of organic fruit and veg to us every other week, containing the usual yummy things like bananas, musrooms and organic cheese plus a weird item like fennel or summink. Read all abaahhht it on the Guardian website or read these little bits if you can’t be bothered:

“If you want to be at the very top of the feelgood food chain, you will have plonked on your doorstep, in a recyclable cardboard box, a bunch of nubbly pears and muddy potatoes and a few other unasked-for items you don’t even know how to cook.”

“The message is getting through that intensive farming produces crap food. That you can buy a chicken for £1.99 but you might as well eat dog shit. People from all walks of life are realising you have to spend a bit more to get better food and that organic isn’t just healthier, but also tastes bloody brilliant.”

I feel hungry again. Damn veg!

It’s all change in the TimeAndRelativeDimensionsInSpace. Not only will we have a new (and Scottish) Doctor by the Christmas special, we will also see the end of Rose by episode seven of season two. Not sure about Jack’s longevity, maybe he ties in with the end of the Eccleston incarnation. Can we see a return for Adam, as he was no less stupid and misguided than many previous fellow-travellers? (Adric, I mean you) and that thing with his brain really needs fixing at some point! As usual, trashy tabloids are making up stories about likely replacements for Ms Piper, picking random glam girls with no or little acting talent. Not mentioning any names as that just encourages these kind of rumours. Pah!

Caption Contest Time!

I should know better but I can’t help watching Big Brother.
Today’s buffoon is the man called Science. Here are some facts from the horse’s mouth:

He is from the hood.
He is ghetto.
Ghetto is a state of mind.
He doesn’t masturbate because he is a black jew.
He is called Science because he was the cleverest one at school.
He has to eat or he is vexed.
He needs salad cream and fishfingers.

He had a great “debate” with Kemal who thought that he wasn’t really from the ghetto or he wouldn’t have wanted to be on a reality show. He couldn’t debate at all and just shouted a lot. Kemal laughed at his affected ‘street’ persona and didn’t understand his random bits of gangstery speak and odd rhyming couplets. I now respect the cross-dressing belly dancer shemale. Shocking! His best line was “If you’re science then I’m maths! I’m art!”

And don’t get me started on Maxwell. Pasty flabby ignorant cockernee geezah!

Doctor Who episode ten: Pretty good stuff! Less annoyance from Jack, which is nice, and I am enjoying all the blatant bisexuality! Who knew World War Two Blitz London was a hotbed of man on man passion, eh? It was a good end to the story, and it made sense that the hollow child found his mummy. Awwww…
Next week: Cardiff! Again! And the slitheen! Again! Sort of…

“Just for once, everybody lives!”
“I’ve got a banana and in a pinch you could put up some shelves.”

Big Brother tends to have a few old witches every year but this time they have a fully-fledged Wiccan. Allegedly! She’s been kidnapped by aliens loads of times and is psychic yet didn’t realise that the door wasn’t automatic and she had to push it. She wore a hood and carried a broomstick. She is probably fed up with all the slappers with boobs and hair obsessions already. She glares, she stares, she wears black. It’s Mary. Whatevah!

I hex thee with my witch’s stare! Grrrrr!

This year’s Big Brother has been replaced by a spoof version where the producers have got thirteen people to act as fucking annoying, stupid, ignorant and shallow as possible and put them in a purpose-built house in Elstree to be filmed! The house is down the road from Jamie’s workplace so I shall be sending him on errands with stinkbombs… My lowlights so far are as follows:

Craig the hairdresser whose personality would be ‘poofy, bitchy and mean.’ He has never read a book!

Kemal the student/bellybancer whose personality is ‘low-budget Margarita Pracatan.’ He dresses up as a sort of lady and loves Eurovision. He talks to himself and thinks he is a diva.

Lesley the temp i.e. not got a proper job. Personality: Vicky Pollard/Karen MacDonald hybrid.
She has rather large boobs therefore doesn’t feel the need to work on her personality.

Maxwell the cocky cockneyish one. Personality is wannabe-geezer. Fact: Doesn’t ‘do’ politics, i.e. shallow and thick.

I have turned off the telly now. Goodbye!