The Comedy Stalker that is Cheryl lunged one of those Robots In Disguise last night…

Sadly Johnny Two Hats was not in attendance at the gig. He has not been seen or heard since Kraftwerk Orange split up after that incident with The Spirit Of Jazz at the Pie Face Showcase.

The tabloids have caught up with this blog and are printing bollocks about the new Batwoman lezzing it up! They seem to have got a lot of their facts wrong but I can’t be bothered to correct them as it is not amusing enough… unlike posting some of those unintentionally hilarious Daily Mail Readers’ Comments of course:

“This is pathetic! Just another excuse for political correctness to spread propaganda to our children. Can’t children just have a life of their on without the poison of politics and political correctness infusing itself into the psyches of children’s cranial matter? It seems the efforts of dictatorships can only be powerful if they get to people as young as possible. Then there would hardly be any opposition. Pathetic!”- Dodgy Dave, Liverpool, England

“PC gone mad in comic books now. When are we going to grow up in this world a do what is sensible not what all the stupid equality brigade want. We are not born equal, we don’t all have the same brain power and doing this sort of think proves it.” – Nigel, Somerset

I assume these two freaks are being ironic. But, like Alanis their grasp of the concept of irony may be a bit wobbly…

What all the little girls who don’t like dresses will be putting on their Christmas lists this year.

William Shatner Jewish National Fund Therapeutic Riding Consortium Endowment…

Snappy name, eh?

Well, yes. William Shatner aka Captain Kirk aka TJ Hooker aka Denny Crane aka That Crazy Old Dude Who Did The Songs With Ben Folds has a plan to sort out that whole Middle East Peace kerfuffle. It is really quite simple: Horsey rides for disabled young Jews! Really.

From the MSN NBC News:

The former “Star Trek” star was in Israel on Monday to promote “therapeutic riding.” He hopes to raise $10 million for nearly 30 riding programs in the country. Shatner said that placing injured people on horseback has been shown to improve their conditions. “We know that the use of a horse in their therapy takes them beyond their handicapped body, their injured body, and into another area of health,” he said. Shatner has long been involved with Ahead With Horses, a California charity that works with physically and mentally disabled children through horseback riding. He hopes his new fund, launched with the nonprofit Jewish National Fund, will contribute to Mideast peace. He stressed that every citizen of Israel, as well as Jordanians and Egyptians, will be encouraged to participate. Shatner and his wife Elizabeth are on their second trip to Israel.

Next week: Shatner sorts out the Darfur genocide with some donkeys and a bag of carrots.

No, I don’t have a dicky ticker. It’s a band … sort of.

You know that Gnarls Barkley? Well, the man what does sing is Cee-Lo Green and he has another project on the go, called The Heart Attack, with Jack Splash instead of Danger Mouse. Yes, this sounds like a load of cartoon nonsense but I don’t make up these names. The project used to be called Lovestink until they changed it. Anyway, Gorilla Vs Bear has an MP3 of Right Now. It’s free, for a limited time only.

It’s not Bollo, but in another world it could be.

In other news, I own the golden raffle ticket as I won a bookshop today. Yay!

Or, if being more literal, I got my promotion and am soon to be Captain Of The Fleet. Nice.

What’s there not love with NextWave? From Marvel Comics.

I keep seeing perms. Are they back in fashion? It seems like everything else that is bad about the 80s is back, such as feathercuts, mulletts, bad highlights and greed… But surely a perm revivial is one step too far?

I know where the Common People (who I most definitely do not wanna sleep with) get their ‘Come On In-Ger-Laaand’ junk from. The totally rubbish local petrol station for local people had a great big display featuring a wide range of those flags they stick on their souped up cars, plus shiny In-Ger-Land wigs made of a tin foilesque product, an In-Ger-Land drinks chiller (I was baffled too) , and some other that that I forgot. I only learnt about this as it took me five minutes to pay for my bread as the shop had one Wage Monkey juggling the tills and the Wild Bean Cafe (How do you define a bean as wild? Is it different to a tame one?) very badly. Is there a word for when multi-tasking goes wrong? And why do they always ask if you have any fuel even when you start the transaction with the phrase “Just this please”? Boo hiss boo and a bah and a humbug too.

Ronald McDonald joins BNP shock!
Or, alternatively, a football buffoon buys wig online.

Like that tramp-faced Geldof (annoying man with annoying children) once sang (or is it sung?) I don’t like Mondays. And if the Monday has the additional words ‘Bank’ and ‘Holiday’ in it then it is even worse. A holiday is a nice thing, implying rest and relaxation, maybe eating a lot more biscuits than a normal day or having a nap in the afternoon. And bank implies money which is also nice.

But no. It was another day where the rampaging hordes of Oxford Street were out en masse at the crack of dawn (i.e. well before my shop opened) all ready to go mad by wandering aimlessly around the shops asking silly questions, not understanding any social etiquette of any kind (especially on the tube where you stand on the right, do not wedge your arms into the closing doors of the tube in the hope that they will open and let you in, and generally do not talk incessant loud pointless bollocks for the entire journey home on your mobile phone. Still, think of the inevitable brain tumour) and getting in people’s way. I would love to work from home and never get properly dressed. I would re-use the same mug all day for endless tea without washing it up, eat loads of yummy choclit and sit down. I am debating becoming a full time house husband after the wedding but I don’t think I will be allowed to follow that particular dream.

Hey, it’s Doctor Marvin Candle!

Yes, Doctor Candle, I think that sitting around playing scratchy old vinyl recorsds inbetween pushing a button every 108 minutes or the world will end is the perfect job for me and my skills. I shall leave at once for The Swan.

Thanks, Doctor Marvin Candle….

Thandle.

Our bandwidth has been upgraded to ‘SuperGeekNetNerd Level’ by Jamie so hello again!

Upgrade successful!

The new Batwoman (don’t ask if you don’t know) is coming… and she’s a skirt-lifter! Hmmm…

Kate Kane, in homage to olden days Batwoman Kathy Kane, is described by DC Comics as a ‘buxom lipstick lesbian’ which is a phrase I last heard around 10 years ago. How modern and hip!

“She’s a member of high society and she is gay. But her sexuality is not the main thrust of the character; it’s just another aspect of her personality, one that helps her to determine her choices that she makes as she’s fighting crime in Gotham City… If the character is gay, she might have had different levels of challenges in her life. The fact that she conceals her own sexuality to some of the people around her and to her own family is going to be a bit of a story, so there are going to be secrets within secrets. You’ll also find more and more about who she is as the story is told, and see how it plays against her lifestyle.” So said DC Grand Fromage Dan DiDio. Hurrah!