E-Books? Whassssat then? Drugs? Just say no. Crack is wack! E is… wee?

No. It’s a book that you can read online. And there’s one that I can recommend to all the nerds out there (and I know there are a lot who read this drivel I type) because it is by Mark Gatiss and is a classic Doctor Who one that I have from the olden days of paper books… It’s Nightshade!

‘It’s like sitting at the bottom of a swimming pool,’ she said, gazing at the arched ceiling in awe. The Doctor was already busy at the console, checking that the antiquated machinery was still operational.’It has a certain charm, I suppose,’ he said grudgingly. ‘But it always seemed too tucked away for ready use.”What is it?’
‘Tertiary console room. Not bad, eh?’ ‘Not bad? It’s beautiful!’ The Doctor seemed to be warming to his theme which pleased Ace immeasurably. ‘Oh yes,’ he said, fussing over the console, ‘a little spatial relocation and we can call this…’ He paused and began to stare into space again. ‘Home?’ volunteered Ace. The Doctor said nothing.

How many times had he been here before? With Victoria on the gas platform. Jo in Llanfairfach. Tegan in London.
She’d grown up before his eyes; this funny misfit, changing from a little bundle of venom with more chips than a Monte Carlo casino into a confident, maturing adult. It had been a struggle though. He had hated the lies and the half-truths he’d felt compelled to create in order to protect her from the future. After Fenric and more recently their adventures battling the Timewyrm, he’d hoped to have put all that behind them. But now there were other considerations…

The same site also has the also rather good Paul Cornell ‘s Human Nature available to read. And read it you should!

I am knackered again so no hilarity here…

Instead, here’s a blog I was looking at today, following in the recent themes of Pride and ‘Straight Is Great!’ … it’s ClosetCase! He is a gay man from Essex in a closet (not literally. There is not usually internet connection in these flat pack wardrobes) but he spends most of his time discussing his gayness and its closeted state and mentioning the gay places he goes with his gay friends. He also posts a lot about his family and where he lives. He even frequently mentions his name and his other websites… I think I may have to explain the concept of being in the closet to him!

The site is very well designed (he is a computer programmer so knows his stuff) and has informative thoughtful stuff as well as some nice lightweight rambling that we have come to expect from blogs. It’s a good site… and he hope he tells his family about liking boys soon, although I don’t know what the site will be called once that happens. It’s strange to read in places as it reminds me of the olden days but it seems like Essex has become a bit more friendly since my bad old days. Same provincial bars though!

Today’s Project76 Art Club pick of the week is…

Chinese Girl by Vladimir Tretchikoff.

aka The Green Lady.

It’s totally retro-fantastic and appears in my imaginary photos section in the first section of my imaginary autobiography. The part entitled ‘They always took us on fucking caravan holidays.’

I want one for my house. I shall get one!

Yes, I am actually serious. It will go nicely with my other grandmother’s 1970s fruitbowl.

Thanks to sir Ziggy of Stardust for this link…

I assume it is a spoof… but with these Americans you can never be too sure!

‘A terror of mortality lies beneath much heterosexual coupling. Driven toperpetuate themselves at any cost, most heterosexuals are indifferent tothe prospect of the world-wide famine that will result if the presentpopulation explosion continues unchecked.’

‘Many heterosexuals claim that they were just ‘born that way’.Unfortunately this doesn’t hold water. All human beings are the result ofthe interaction between their substance and their environment andheterosexuals, like the rest of us, must share the responsibility for their condition.’

It’s not actually all that funny, now I have looked into it. Ah, well.

It’ll upset the right people.

The ones who are easy to upset because they’re morons.

It’s not Monday but I don’t like it anyway. Tell you why? It felt like a Monday, I did Monday things and I had a long travelling time kerfuffle as it was my penultimate day in The City Bookshop…
I am off to sunny Bristol in a couple of weeks for a conference. When I say Bristol I mean Not Bristol as it is South Gloucestershire therefore not Bristol at all. I have been sent a name badge to wear (but not some jelly and ice cream or any kind of party hat) but it is wrong as it describes my domain as ‘City Bookshop’ instead of ‘Chav-infested Suburban Bookshop.’ Hurrah for the generic term for Tipp-Ex, whatever it is… At this very same conference I have been informed that the evening dress code is ‘lounge suit and tie’ for ‘the gents’ which confused me. ‘The gents’ is the toilet and a ‘lounge suit’ implies something you lounge about in. Therefore I shall appear in my Boosh t-shirt and rubbish shorts and live in the loo. Sorted. Or alternatively a Jon Pertwee Docor Who velevet smoking jacket (no somking of course) with ruffley shirt. Super!

Psssssst! Thesaurus whispered to me this definition: ‘lounge suit – a business suit consisting of a matching jacket and skirt or trousers.’ Phew. So it’s a suit then?

Psssst again! Wikipedia then informed me ‘A two-piece suit or lounge suit is one lacking a waistcoat; a three-piece suit has one.’

I found a sentient lounge suit named ‘Lounge Suit?’ (yes, the question mark is part of their name. How pretentious!) who contacted an online help site called ‘Advice With Dr. Dave and Dr. Dee’ (wot no Dr. Dre? I guess they forgot about him…) and saw this problem solved once and for all:

Dear Dr. Dave and Dr. Dee,
I am invited to a reception and the attire is “Lounge Suit”. I checked the web and found that a lounge suit is a matching jacket and trousers. So, is a tie compulsory, and does the colour have to be dark or is a light coloured suit appropriate?
Signed,
Lounge Suit?

Dear Lounge Suit,
A lounge suit is another name for business suit and usually indicates a semi-formal function. A darker suit with a white shirt and tie are appropriate. On some occasions, if the function is an informal outdoor afternoon affair, then the lounge suit can be more casual, lighter colored, and worn without a tie. But, when in doubt, always dress more formally.
Signed,
Dr. Dave and Dr. Dee

Look who won the supporting actress Emmy!

Huff is still cancelled though.

Boo hiss boo!

I decided to have one more go at that Facial Recognition shite to see if I could be anybody except my evil twin Jesse Bradford. I had done the beard variation and the glasses variation so I went for something else. Would a hat make all the difference?

Would it bollocks. He is stalking me.

Whoever said Americans have no concept irony will be filled with glee/despair at the following alleged fact via Digital Spy:

‘Little Britain is to be completely remade for the US market by American broadcaster HBO. Creators Matt Lucas and David Walliams will join American comedy writers and Simon Fuller, the British entertainment entrepreneur, in a bid to recreate versions of their hit characters for the US audience. The team is hoping the adaptation will attract up to ten million viewers following a string of successful exports including The Office, and reality shows which have made Simon Cowell America’s top earning television star.’

So that’s Little Britain, a comedy sketch series about Britain, being completely remade for American audiences with, I imagine, American characters. It’s more ironic than a very large collection of the cutlery that cuts things when what you really need is the thing what transfers liquid to your gob. Don’t you think?

Remember, kids, there was only one series of Little Britain made for the tellybox, after a successful pilot and two radio series. And they were fan-bloody-tastic!

My adopted Blog Son Clive has done another video blog. I think the Bank Holiday has got to him.

Don’t click that! It’s just a picture as I don’t know how to insert the YouTube thing on here. Click here instead.

Go on.

Click it!

Cliiiiick Iiiiiiiit!

You slag.

Kitty Pryde likes it too, mutant fans!

I think I may have come across as a self-loathing homosexual when whingeing about Manchester Pride over at Jay The Dangerous Man’s blog as I find it hard to express myself sometimes so I thought I should explain it here. I don’t know why the endless media coverage of these Pride marches gets me all fired up but it must be to do with the way that only one extreme minority is represented in the photos that always get used for illustrating the gay ‘community’, not that such a thing actually exists anyway. It’s the ‘hotpants and orange tan or drag’ option that you would actually believe in if you lived in a box that grates so much.
It’s “just a bit of fun” as Keith Barrett would say. I understand the concept of fun, sure. I have even been to many London Pride events over the years. Most of the people at them were not wearing glitter / sequins / bugger all / Wonder Woman outfits / delete where appropriate / but the media illustration always ends up like a circus minus the elephants. Bearded ladies are optional and I have seen many a clown in the past. But why does it bother me? Maybe because I feel that in 2006 we should have no need for this kind of thing. Us gayers should be ourselves in our daily lives and have a much wider influence over changing people’s attitudes by just being around. Maybe it’s because I hate the lazy cliches that the media spit out and that the gay ‘community’ offers us to adhere to. I don’t know any people who would dress up like the pride march photograph people but a lot of them would go to the march. They just wouldn’t be judged worthy of attention and that’s sad. Who wants pictures of a group of average looking men and women in jeans and t-shirts, maybe a shirt or two, some might be wearing glasses, some with rucksacks and… you get the idea.

I know I’m one of the lucky ones and these young homosexualists need to feel like they belong to some kind of scene for a while as it’s been hard keeping it all in while growing up. Is it still like that these days? I don’t know. I felt like that for a bit when I was young (back in the mists of time) and then found it tiresome, superficial and ultimately disappointing.

Rather than moaning about it shouldn’t I be constructive? What is Pride to me?

It’s not watching some has-been old ‘diva’ miming to a medium-sized hit from fifteen years ago on a stage in a park. It’s not a bus full of shaved and plucked men in knickers dancing to Kylie Minogue in the style of some silly schoolgirls. It’s not that fucking Heather Small song… It’s me accepting who I am and knowing that there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s being able to live a completely normal life and do everything I want to do without worrying about how people perceive me. It’s about being able to marry the man I love and invite all of our friends and family to celebrate, just like any other couple. It’s about my sexuality being not remotely important to the people I work with. And why should it be? I don’t want to talk about what they get up to in bed, I don’t want to even go there!

I guess I’m not proud of being gay. I’m not ashamed of it either. I just am. And it’s fucking marvellous that it upsets some idiots so much!