We went to Robertos for a kind of date. Can a married couple still class a meal out as a date? I don’t see why not. It’s a local Italian restaurant so as it was local (I am thinking of Luigi’s from The League Of Gentlemen for some reason) we walked. It was bloody cold and my bald head required a hat. The service was great, as for most of the time we were the only customers, and the food was good too:

Insalata Tricolore – Tomato, mozzarella & avocado.

Pappardelle al Fungi – Flat, very big pasta withwild mushrooms and cream sauce.

Half a bottle of reasonably priced white wine.

A selection of ice creams: Chocolate, pistachio and cinammon.

A nice cup of coffee with cream. Not of that milk shite.

I am now incredibly full, as is Husband Wife. We spent almost twice our weekly groceries budget in there but it was on the expenses as the I.T boss tols all of his employees to take their wives and / or girlfriends (er…) out for a slap up meal and charge it to the company. Thanks, I.T Boss!

Luigi’s is not real! Luigi’s is not real!

Thayeteeboss….

Bah. Bloody Americans got there first.

I have trapped Brett in a box room and he’s not allowed until he’s got the new song right…

Is it alright yet? It’s time for the other instruments and an abundance of strings.

That Louise from Planet Ben Baker has written a meme. So I dun it. She’s just moved into a luxury new Myspace and lives in Blogger at weekends (how greedy!) but still lives in a caravan so that’s alright…

1. If you could be any cutlery item what would you be?
A great big fucking spoon that goes to the moon.

2. If you had to design your own planet what would it be called?
Planet Of The Japes.

3. What living thing would you eradicate given a choice? Go on do it. You know you want to!
I am spoilt for choice here. Only one? Can I choose a person? I would never decide this!
How about footballers’ wives and girlfirends? Are they living things? They take oxygen and create waste but give nothing back to the world.

4. Name the most useless thing you can think of:
The Daily Mail… and all who sail in it.

5. If you could write any Meme question to go here what would it read?
What is the most cheese you have ever eaten in one day?

6. What is your favourite revolution?
Prince And The Revolution.

7. What is your ringtone?
It’s on silent.
But when I turn it on, which is never, it plays a rubbish version of Gary Numan’s Cars.

8. If you were to have a tattoo (or another if you already have one) where would you get it?
That small man from Fantasy Island looks like a fun guy!

9. Throw a pen to your right. What does it hit?
A Gold Dalek. He wants to exterminate you for that.

10. What is your favorite kind of pretend creature?
Rational Catholics.

11. You are Prime Minister. What is the first thing you do?
Go stay at the holiday home of Cheryl Baker from The Fizz. For free!

12. They are making a film of your life, it’s a cartoon. What is the title, what does your character look like and who voices it?
It’s called ‘Have You Got A Girlfriend Yet?’, it’s voiced by Su Pollard and looks strangely like Snagglepuss. In a hat.

Oh dear. The end.

Presenting: Plop Idol! It’s taking the nation by storm. Or wolverine. Or that other one who was that Scottish gay actor painted blue in the second film…

The rules? Dan picks a collection of opinions published on the website of a ‘leading newspaper’ and you have to vote for the one that seems the most ridiculous and deluded. A bit like the fings on them Pop Idol shows where people who must know that they are quite insane queue up to audition to be famous then make a noise that would scare away geese and cows.

Today’s subject: Should that Catholic Church be allowed to opt out of not discriminating even though it is The Law just because they said Jesus told them to even though there is no proof of any supernatural goings on anyway?

Contestant Number One: “Gays should not be allowed to adopt children. As it is not normal for a child to grow up with same sex parents, It is embarrassing for the child when seen in public.” – Steven Preston, Wakefield.

Contestant Number Two: “It’s about time we stopped pandering to this vocal minority group. If they only thought of the child for a minute instead of their own blinkered view of life. A child needs a mother and father not same sex substitutes. Homosexuality is not compulsory yet – I fear this is the next step unless the church and government make a stand on the issue, trouble is there are too many with vested interests in the latter.” – Peter Hindley, Inverness.

Contestant Number Three: “Perhaps the NHS (ie, taxpayer) should start funding breast insertion operations so gays who feel ‘excluded’ can breast feed their adopted children! In fact, in an ideal world, we should neuter all children at birth to ensure gender diversity and inter-genital tolerance is not a problem for future, more ‘equal’, generations. Get real. Men don’t have wombs. Lesbians don’t have penises. Let’s keep it that way.” – Jason, Aberystwyth.

Contestant Number Four: “If the government are going to allow ‘queers’ (their word,) how long before the peadophiles start saying that they are being ‘discriminated’ against? Ordinary kids should go to ordinary folk.” – Jack Kinsman, Grimsby.

Contestant Number Five: “All this gay thing is ludicrous it should be a “choice” not a law forced on other people,if I don`t want a gay person in my home and I told them to go would I be jailed for it, if I disliked “one” coloured person would I be called racist, and what would they do if I said I did not like a white person,you can not rule peoples likes and dislikes or their emotions its called freedom of choice,but not according to this labour party with its you will do as your told,I agree that laws should be adhered to but some of the new ones that this government are inventing go beyond sensibility.” – ann ridley, poynton cheshire

So…

Who wins?

You decide!

I know who I would like to befriend the most. Bless them all for their ‘hilarious’ funny ideas.

The Sun has cured racism! In conjunction with its campaign against Jade Goody who, let’s be honest, represents yer average Sun reader, and its joy that Shilpa won the ‘celebrities sitting around in a a house all day’ award, it decided today to use up all of the remaining racim in the world and put it on the front page. It worked! Look!

Thanks, Sun. There are now no racist words left!

That’s The Sun. The newspaper who did the fictitious story last year about asylum seekers killing and eating swans. The Sun who is forever harping on about ‘floods of immigrants’ coming here to take jobs away from the lazy permanently unemployed layabouts who don’t want to do the lower-paid work that is on offer.

The Sun. It ended racism today. Well done, Sun.

Next week: The Sun stops homophobia! Fantastic!

I am shocked to see promotional pictures for Harry Potter And The Magical Lovely Horse everywhere today. It appears that the Young Wizard (TM) has done a spell where all of his clothes fall off and he makes a lovely horse that he can shower with sugar lumps and take to the horse dentist (because he is a kind young wizard) when not busy doing spells and shit. The papers have got a bit obsessed with this new Harry Potter adventure though and some people have written to The Daily Mail about it being a bit risque for their little precious to see. How amusing.

In case you’re interested, here is where Jay Kay Rolling got her idea from:

What?
It’s really the actor Daniel Radcliffe publicising his new play Equus by getting a bt nudie?

That explains a few things.

I wonder why nobody has mentioned his ‘alternative’ method of horse whispering which includes inflicting injuries to the lovely horses? It’s political correctness gone mad!

The big question is: Is it a bit wrong to fancy Harry Potter?

It’s the early morning blog, because we got up rather early and it’s either this or lay monged out pressing the snooze button every twelve minutes for an hour and a half…

We love Satya. It’s an Indian restaurant and it’s very very tasty. The portions aren’t your usual ridiculously huge ones that leave everybody bloated and windy, they’re just right. If you’re one of them dirty veggies you’ll love it because there are more spinach-based dishes than Paris Hilton has had hot cocks. My personal favourite, i.e. that one with the cheese cubes aka sag panir is on the menu so that was me sorted out, with a mixture of that and the potatoey one with some rice, a few drinks and good company. It was the Bookshop Christmas Dinner. At the end of January, as anybody who works in a shop over Christmas tends to go all mentalist and angry in December as you would imagine.

Oh yes. Unlike The Daily Mail, we love a bit of ‘foreign muck’ on our plates. Highly recommended, and they even chucked in the coffees for free. What more could you ask for?

I am now on a diet as my belly is ridiculous, especially on my scrawny body. All I need now is my own entourage of flies and I’ll have charitable organisations trying to feed me for all the wrong reasons.

Me with Not Boy George. In Satya. Mmmm… curry.

I feel the urge to swap my PC for a Mac for some reason.

I have no idea why.

No. Not got a clue why I should think like this.

We went to an Indian restaurant and the Ood that worked there looked after us very well. We are extremely full now and need our bed time. The Ood said I should tell you about it tomorrow when I am less busy looking at geeky things on the computer.

I think an Ood followed us home.

Bugger.

Can I have a cup of tea please?