Today I shall be sitting on my new chair and reading my new books. That is all.


Not really.

Like I would ever buy such a ridiculously geeky thing.

Now I am looking at it, I may change my mind.

Oh yes. I want one.

I love The English Way Of Life. As does The Daily Express who said so on their front cover on Saturday. It’s those wonderfully English ways such as cups of tea, slices of cake and talking scarecrows what makes England as English as it is. Innit. That and our sense of proportion and fairness. And hatred of all things foreign or poofy. Take these very English sorts from The Express’ wonderfully English feature Have Your Say where they can, to nobody’s surprise except the person who can’t read and therefore should not be wasting their time on the internet in the first places, have their say. And their say says they loves the gays. So they says. Especially when their lottery money is being spent on gay things for gays in an article illustrated by a photograph of that ‘hilarious’ comedy gay one from that Tiny England show…

But who is the most English of them all?
Who should not take Madonna so literally and stop Expressing themselves?
Who is the floater that won’t flush away?
Who really shouldn’t have fingers to type with?

Names have been slightly changed to protect the scum. God knows why I bothered. All typos and spelling errors are contestants’ own. With italics from me or else I would go insane in the brain.

Jim: “Beyond belief, I still havent heard a reasonable explaination of why homosexuals should warrant any more financial attention than the rest of humanity, they have an un-natural bent, which is tolerated and ignored by most right minded people, but not accepted as normal by them at all (except all the ones who know some real gay people). There are far more important things to spend money on in this country (I fear war veterans and starving OAPs are about to get a mention) than film making and school books to assimilate gays into the community. (What? We have our own separate unassimilated community? Nobody told me! I have been freely mixing for years now. What about Gingers? Do they have their own community too?) Gays in the country tend to emigrate to the big cities anyway so they can meet up with other gays and their show biz friends, (Heh! All my friends are showbiz too) this could be a good thing overall because it helps keep the rural areas gay free! (Gay is the new Fox?) In my experience there is nothing worse than a butch gay woman driving a John Deere tractor along a country road at full speed forcing normal drivers off the tarmac and into the hedgerow.” (I can think of many things far worse than this. You are a spoof. Go away!)

R: “Oh No, No, No. Get real. Has any pc brigade idiot ever thought of grants to one legged frogs? (because… oh you know) What a shameful and terrible misappropriation of cash which could go as realistic life saving grants to old age pensioners (Heterosexual OAPS only, of course) who die from cold every year, now that is more like it. If disgusting sinful ‘gays’ feel isolated they themselves should sort their own seedy problems out, get a life, join a respectable society. (the Nazi crockery collectors society?) How did this lovely word ‘gay’ ever become associated with something so filthy and disgusting. (Oh no, here we go…) ‘Gay’ is carefree, jolly, jovial, mirthful, happy, lighthearted word. (That describes me pretty much spot on!) What is wrong with the word queer? ( I answer to queer as well) Did perverts deliberately select this ‘gay’ word to try to distort the sin of homosexuality whilst attempting to make it respectable, well let me tell you they failed miserably, you cannot hide truth and facts for long. If you think of the acts which they perform together (Any Dream Will Do?) you must believe it to be sickening, dangerous, totally disgusting and wrong. (Those dirty Josephs!) Men and women have certain parts on their bodies which make them what they are. (Willy and bum obsessive!) No pretending that this ‘gay’ thing is a medical problem and they need operations, what a load of boll—- ! They do not and are not entitled to special monetary rewards for what they do. I find this a insult to human nature, it was better when as years ago it was kept quiet, swept under the carpet instead of being rammed down our throats (You’d like that, wouldn’t you?) day, night (what stamina!) by sickening TV celebs and so called politicians who themselves indulge.”

P: “I do not want to give my opine (I think he means opinion) here save this. Islam (It’s have a go at Muslims time!) appears to be unreservedly anti homosexuality (as are all reliigons) . I wonder if the law would deal equally with a white christian whom came into conflict with the Blair ‘gay’ laws versus a muslim. Er-I dont think so. However I think we have more important things to worry about in blighty.I doubt if gays will cause violence,and blood on the streets…..but I have no doubt that this mass immigration will (All we need now is a mention of Princess Diana then we have a complete set of Express hot topics). In twenty years time this country will be like northern Ireland was in the nineteen seventies. Shouting their sexuality in my face (which I do daily with my pink megaphone) is against my human rights!”

G: “I would give them an ASBO for every time they shoved there sexuality in your face. (Because we have an underworked police force, right? And it’s illegal?) I don’t want to know – nobody would bother them or know what they were if they didn’t adopt this IN YOUR FACE agression.” (Grrrr! Look at my gayness!)

A: “NO NO NO , instead of feeding this frenzy of homosexuality and encouraging it something should be done to ask WHY all of a sudden there are million`s of them [gay`s that is ] yes there have alway`s been gay`s, and alway`s will be,BUT something is dreadfully wrong for it to be taking over the world as it is, (it is? Gay is the new Global Warming!) I don`t really care at nearly 70yrs old but what will happen in the next 70yrs when nobody is re-producing (Nobody is making babies any more? I had not noticed) or don`t they care either or will they have shop`s where they can go and buy a child, does all this sound to crazy well they thought george orwell was with the book 1984 and animal farm but it is all coming true???????” (Quite obviously it is not).

P: “R -I have to admit I’m surprised your comments are still posted on this forum.By now all the sorts you have been describing, will have come home from their jobs as social workers,social inclusion officers,outreach workers etc etc non jobs. I’m just waiting for one to click the red ‘I don’t like the truth’ button (delusion) on the bottom of your posting. No other newspaper in this country would have been bold enough (for bold read hateful to a ridiculous degree) to allow the question we have commented on-and I’m sure you will agree….THATS WHY WE WILL CONTINUE TO BUY,SUPPORT,AND CONVINCE OTHERS TO DITCH THE MAIL, (Don’t shout at me! And oh dear you think The Daily Mail is too soft? You do so scare me) TELEGRAPH ETC IN FAVOUR OF THE EXPRESS. however should we not see any future comments from you,then we can assume you have had a visit from Lynton Blairs ‘gay’ statsi in the middle of the night.” (There is a Gay Secret Police? Blimey! The Express is so educational!)

S: ” Grants to do what? Spend the money and have fun in doing so? Or is this a bribe to incurrage people to be gay. (Form an orderly queue, financially burdened people) What about grants for ordinary people who work hard, keep to them selves out of trouble and try and make this world a happier place for all of us.” (unlike them dirty gays?)

A: “looking at the summary picture above (It was of Daffyd. Yawn) I would not enjoy being in this thing`s company whether it is QUEER (We know a song about that, don’t we, Shirley Manson?) or not if all behaved and dressed like this no wonder kid`s are going barmy and confused.” (Kids have always been barmy and if they are related to you then I am hardly shocked).

Well there you go. I am baffled by all this stuff, here was me thinking That Other Newspaper was where all the nutters hung out. They can’t be for real, can they? I bloody well hope not! But… Who is The Best Worst Expresser?

Tomorrow: “I’m not racist but… I hate all people who are not white.” Or something like that.

Saturday was a work day so Sunday is a washing and ironing and cooking and cleaning and food shopping day. Hooray! We went to our local super(but not SUPER)market and got enraged by all the inappropriately oversized vehicles that we could only assume were driven by men with very small penises. Or women with large vaginas. I really should leave a wad of my 4by4 leaflets in our normal sized car’s glovebox but I didn’t, so when Wonderful Husband had to take a deep breath and squeeze up against an inexrticably shiny offroader to get into the car and drive home he accidentally left them a little present on their window. The poor dear has a crappy throat at the moment and that phlegm is a real bugger to clear. I also managed to mutter in a local crazy person way at a man who was loading his shopping into an enormous shiny landrover with not a speck of off-road (or even on-road) mud on it that was parked in the spaces reserved for parents with children. Unless he had bred with some Lilliputians or the invisible woman I can only assume the fucker was too lazy to park anywhere other than right near the shop. What swung it for me was the thing I saw at the top of his trolley:

Damn them foreigners bringing their exciting new foreign food, foreign films and music to our country and causing the death of morris dancing and tea on the lawn!

I have gone all YooHooTubey! That Doctor Who cartoon episode 3 had a familiar voice in it, plus pirates. Everybody loves pirates, don’t they?

I had completely forgotten that Naoko Mori from Torchwood and Avenue Q appeared in the much-missed The Smoking Room. It’s a great one… and in a scary coincidence thing I have seen three of the four people in this scene doing comedy in the flesh. But I am not a stalker. Probably.

That Tori Amos has done a weird video. And like Rufus, she has a pop at Georgie Boosh on her new album. It’s a bit like a combination of all the previous Toris, including rawk chick Tori from way before the orange-hared pianoeyness era. It’s out soon (and in a special edition with extra nice bits) and I have it pre-ordered but I am listening to it right now as I am a naughty boy. It’s good.

That Bjork has done a weird video too. Whatever next, eh?

Those Scissor Sisters have done a weird video that isn’t as weird as some of their other ones. It does feature a lot of wigs and funny clothes though.

Oh shit. Wonder Woman bought a Hummer! What was Kate Spencer aka Manhunter thinking when she made that sugggestion? I may have to change my opinion about my favourite (almost cancelled but not quite) comic!

I have just acquired the new Rufus Wainwright album and I want to be listening to it in peace.

I have just bought the second issue of the Buffy comic and I want to be reading it in peace.

I have just… Battlestar Galactica, Ultimate Spider-Man Clone Saga, etc, etc… but still I blog.

Doctor Who was on so I just have to let it out…

The Muppets did it better but the Daleks have taken Manhattan. Those pig men look a bit familiar to me though…

There was a lot of set-up in this episode and it was a good old fashioned romp. I did find it a bit silly that the showgirl didn’t recognise her boyfriend’s voice or face even though he had turned a bit piggy. Silly showgirl! And excuse me for being a geek but isn’t this more the Devolution Of The Daleks if they become a bit more human and walky and talky? I know that ‘being human is gr8′ is this year’s theme but come on people! Next week looks great as we shall no doubt see them Daleks defeated again only to escape again. Again. That’s what makes it so fun though, especially since we now have the emotional Daleks who have hissy fits. I don’t blame them, as their creator Davros was a rather moody shouty old crone at the best of times.

The thing that has been out in other countries for ages is out here. It’s Robyn by Robyn, it’s rather great pop from Sweden and it’s almost the same album as Sweden got a few years back. Except for a few oddities. But that’s ok. The song Bum Like You is now all remixey and not as good as it doesn’t sound a bit like Wicked Game. Bah! At least Who’s That Girl is still the same and is still not a cover of that rubbish Madonna song. It’s produced by The Knife and is a bit hectic in a very good way. I think the freaky rappy Konichiwa Bitches is shorter than it used to be. I might be wrong. The not-on-here Alternate version of that is worth tracking down too as it’s a bit like that song by The Cure. You know, that one. The word they do that weird backwards scratchy effect to prevent you hearing in the song Handle Me is ‘nazi.’ How odd. It’s not used in a Bryan Ferry way. The album also has the song Cobrastyle (produced by Teddybears, oh yes!) which wasn’t on the original version but as it’s great I am pleased. There is also a song called With Every Heartbeat which I have never head before and I think gays would like to dance to it in a sweaty club with their tops off. But not me. Oh if only Robyn’s freaky cover of Jack U Off by Prince was included too, but I guess you can;t have everything. It’s a bloody marvellous album of pop music and is the perfect antidote to all those terrible pop acts that have no artistic merit and come mostly from very poor ‘reality’ shows. Buy it or miss out on a gay old time (but without having to touch a man’s bottom).

I sold a Jane Austen book to two schoolboys today. They resented buying it to further their education and verbalised this with a chorus of “That’s so gay!” In my mind I threw the Pride And Prejudice at them to catch their attention, pointed at myself and shouted “No, that’s so gay.” But it was sadly all in my mind. Meh, kids today. No grasp of the English language.

The Rufus album is, so far, rather swoony, by the way.

*Gratuituosly cut and pasted from my other blog*
Where are the funny people? Blast!

What can I reveal about the second (of four) recording for That Mitchell And Webb Sound? Not much actually as I don’t want to spoil your future fun. I can tell you that one of the biggest laughs involved a cartoon character’s visit to the doctor and the words ‘Snarf’ and ‘Battlecat’ are mentioned. I can also tell you that the phrase “huge fight with the staff of TK Maxx who are robots” featured at a key mirth moment. I can also inform you that a man ran in front of the stage that is not a stage and just a row of microphones before the interval and appeared to be about to quite literally piss himself, but that kind of thing happens a lot at The Drill Hall. I hav not forgiven Armando Iannucci for heckling me when I did the very same thing. Damn you! A similar thing happened at the end of part two and he (a different he) got called a “c*nt” by one of the stars and missed out on the retakes plus extra special random out of context noises that will make sense to me next week probably. Other facts include Robert Webb doing the most fluffed lines, leading to part one being described as “fumbley” with its five retakes. Which isn’t all that many really. Other dialogue snatches (but not dialogue about snatches) included “Angela! Saliva vacuum!” and “flip flap, flip flap.” The latter makes no sense out of context and is far too odd (and funny) to explain. It’s kind of like the Green Clarinet sketch but nothing like it as well. Sort of. There was only one not-entirely-new sketch and that was one they did in the rehearsals for the last TV series. It included the line “The whole European Parliament may be two depressed women in a bath” if that helps. You have to be an uber-geek to get that one.

Talking of uber-geeks, here’s That Chezza.

Yes! Dazzling, marvellous, fantastic, etc.

No doubt this will get removed from YooHooTube soon but I love to share. If you want just the music you only have to ask…

… click here!

I love Right Said Fred and sing along to all their tunes at every opportunity I get. I have not forgiven them for the Daz advert debacle yet but this news story from Digital Spy might smooth things out a bit:

‘Right Said Fred star Richard Fairbrass has vowed to run for London mayor because he is enraged by the congestion charge. Mayor Ken Livingstone introduced the charge, which requires drivers to pay a daily fee of £8 to take their cars into central London, to reduce traffic in the capital. However, the ‘I’m Too Sexy’ singer insists that the charge has harmed the lives of London’s workers since it was introduced in February 2003. He told The Sun: “I have been living here since 1982 and London has definitely improved, but I think Ken has been in the hotseat too long. It’s time for a change. I want to stand as an independent candidate with a manifesto for the real working people of London. It’s not just about the super-rich. The congestion charge needs a total overhaul – real Londoners should get a massive discount. Women driving their Chelsea tractors in from Surrey should have to pay a premium. Policemen, nurses, firemen and teachers should be able to live in the areas they work.”

The man is a political maverick! I know Ken Livingstone could never get away with the shaven headed beefcake in a vest look, let alone perform a duet with top big-lunged singing sensation Jocelyn Brown, could he? No. He could not. But back to the article:

“… and I would do everything in my power to work a way round the smoking ban. I think it is an absolute scandal.”

Oh dear. Right Said Fred, have a cup of tea and think about how bad smoking is.

I am disgusted that some lottery money has been used to help the gays, who we all know are banned from any kind of gambling by The Chief Gay What Runs Fings At Their End. The Daily Mail agrees with me!

‘A homosexual support group has received a £76,000 Lottery grant – to help the only gays in the village. The Herefordshire’s Rural Media Company won the cash to make a series of short films on how to combat homophobic bullying in rural areas. Bosses hope to recruit iconic gay celebrities such as Will Young and comedian Sandi Toksvig to take part in the “Sticks and Stones” project. The grant will also bring together about 50 young gay men and women from isolated rural communities across the UK to appear in the films. Rural Media Company chief executive Nic Millington said: “We’ve wanted to set up this project for a long time and now we can really get going with this funding. “There are so many homosexual youngsters in rural areas across the country but many feel they’re the only one. They are usually being bullied in school for being different because teenagers are trying their best to fit in.” ‘

£76,000? That is like an absolute fortune when you consider the squillions the lottery makes! Well that article was actually reasonably polite although I detected a whiff of ‘why not give it to the war veterans?’ as you would. I wonder what the readers thought? I know that they all spend their dole money on scratchcards when they’re not sicking up alcopops in the streets. Let’s see:

“Yet another good reason to continue not doing the lottery.” – John, Clacton, Essex.

What a nice pleasant man John from Clacton is. I personally do not do the lottery because it is shit and a waste of my (gay) money.

“Yet pensioners are chucked out of the care homes they often love and which they have lived in for years because relatively small funding is lacking. England really is just mad and there seems to be an ongoing agenda to make people lose all confidence in society and its running. Why?” – Ian Millard, Exeter UK.

I don’t think I want to go to Exeter if there are loads of pensioners being chucked out of windows and doors and stuff. They might hurt somebody. Sounds horrid. This country really is mad, isn’t it, when Pensioner Lottery funds get mixed up with Pink Pounds!

“I don’t do the lottery when the revenue goes to pathetic causes like this. Complete and utter waste of money.”- Abob, London, UK.

Oh indeed. And it’s not a waste of money if you win something. I can think of something/one else who is pathetic.

“When will everyone wake up and boycott the lottery? Just a few weeks of no-one buying tickets, in protest at this type of appalling waste of OUR money, should jolt the shameful Camelot into listening.” – Kim, Hampshire UK.

What, there is a freedom of choice in whether or not you buy lottery tickets? Bah! Nobody told me.

“I wonder if the village’s last surviving war heros will see any lottery money?” – Kris, Fife.

War heroes! I knew they would turn up at some point. They love them scratchy scratch cards.

Whoops. I think I put a bit too much faith in humanity again. There really are some cunts out there.

No blog tomorrow. Probably. Meh but yay as we are out on Mitchell And Webb business again (Radio show series 3 recording 2) and this will clash with watching Mitchell and Webb (in Peep Show) on the telly. Which is just plain spooky.

Dead Like Me is back! But only in the DVD sense. Bah. The peculiarly hard to define show is one of my Shows We Love That The Public Didn’t Get and the second DVD box thing is in the shops now. I recommend getting the first one first and then purchasing this. You know it makes sense. Want a clip to tempt you?

That was technically a trailer so here’s a clip:

Sorted.

Good Weather For Airstrikes? Of course! It’s one of my favourite mp3 blogs! Not just because it has the quite frankly bizarre spectacle of The Feeling doing a cover version of Miami Sound Machine’s Doctor Beat with a bit of Mylo’s Drop The Pressure thrown in. And not just because they use the ‘rock 1′ setting from a Casio SK-10 for the beat, my personal favourite retro noise. Fact! The SK-10 had a ‘sampling’ option and it was crap but fun when you are an annoying child in the 80′s with nothing better to do. Trust me, I know.

The marvellous (meaning wanky) Daily Express have an article full of hints to help their lady viewers keep hold of their men. Oh yes, really. I would start the hints by telling them (in a massive shouty voice) to buy a nicer paper, one that is not obsessed with Princess bloody Diana, muslims, asylum seekers and gays. Anyway, here are the hints (with my own hints) in case anybody out there feels the urge to do an experiment:

8 THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY TO HIM

1 My ex could do X, Y or Z.
Express Woman needs to tell us what X, Y and Z stand for. Is it some kind of romantic algebra?

2 Well, let’s get a divorce, then.
Never a good idea, I find. Unless of course you want a divorce. But what if you are not married? Huh?

3 You never satisfy me in bed.
I can see whay Express Woman thinks that would not be a good one to say. Maybe Express is preoccupied with the state of that Princess Diana Memorial Fountain, wondering how a leaky water feature could be deemed an appropriate tribute to The People’s Princess.

4 You don’t care about my feelings.
You’re right, they probably don’t.

5 You’re never there for me.
Are they having an affair with a woman who reads a less racist newspaper?

6 You’re useless at DIY. Let’s get a builder in.
Is that a euphamism? I don’t see that as a bad thing to say to a husband if they are indeed hopeless with a tool.

7 Orlando/Brad/George Clooney is the most gorgeous man in the world.
But they are not! And at least one of them is probably a gay. Maybe two of them for all I care.

8 You’re such a wimp.
Express Woman, you’re so wimpist! You shouldn’t have married a wimp then, should you?

Blog bit pick of the week? Easy! Mick’s weird post about what happened went he went into town (Birmingham) the other day:
” There were Morris dancers in the Bullring (all one word, these days) they were in Victoria Square, there were hundreds of them on New Street, all different colours and shapes. There were Morris dancers dressed up in yellow, black and red strips, being cheered on by a gang of pissed up Watford supporters (who were up in Brum for the semi-final at Villa Park) because they were wearing their team’s colours. There were the traditional looking ones with the straw hats on, and there appeared to be a troupe of blacked-up Morris dancers, which I don’t think you should be able to do these days, tradition or not. What the black people who saw them thought I can’t imagine. What I was wondering is why April 14th? Isn’t May Day the official time to put this shit on? Why the middle of Birmingham? Was it a countryside alliance demo?
I think they should bring back full-contact Morris Dancing. Either that or ban it altogether, like smoking. If I can’t smoke then they shouldn’t be able to pollute my atmosphere with that shite”

Quite right!

Optimus Prime?
Captain America?
What could it all mean?

Heh.

It must be Summer. I have got all sweaty and allergic, all the common people are showing off their bingo wings and I nearly got an eyeful of ballbag off a man in shorts on the tube. Plus the chavs have been letting off fireworks outside for no reason whatsoever. Still, it’s better than them procreating and spreading the Word Of Innit.

I went to the newsagent and got a fright…

… and a bloody big Doctor Who spoiler! But it’s all very exciting.

I am currently listening to a rather ‘interesting’ mashup of Canadian odd-art-collective-thang Broken Social Scene and President Wayne Palmer from 24 lookie-likey and closet-dwelling love man R Kelly. Yes, really. It’s all part of this The Hood Internet thing, where you can also find Dizzee Rascal mixed with Cyndi Lauper. You might want to visit if you like that kind of musical kerfuffle…

That Mark Ronson album (you know, the one from last year from the interweb) is out this week and it’s alright. The best tracks are the ones everyone already knows (Amy Winehouse does Valerie (not a porno but that Zutons track she likes to cover), Daniel Merriweather does Stop Me (off the radio) , Lily Allen does Oh My God (from her ‘mixtape’ that came out before her album) , Phantom Planet do Just) plus the previously-leaked odd horns-laden Coldplay (bleugh) thing and the Maximo Park one are pretty good as well. The weird Britney cover with the dead rapper turning the air blue is fun but means I can never play this CD in my bookshop. There’s Robbie Walliams doing The Only One I know which almost ruins things but that’s what the skip button on the stereo was invented for. Add in a few meandering interludes and you get a reasonably great album. If you like this sort of thing then you will like this.

I don’t think Mark and Amy are listening to Scooch here.

Thee BexTorrr is back! Aka Sophie Ellis Bextor, who has a new video for that song you heard ages ago and is still not out. It’s coming soon and she looks rather foxy in the video. I hope this doesn’t mean Bryan “Nazis R GR8″ Ferry’s son will start chasing her round the countryside with some angry dogs. That wouldn’t be good. Or tidy.

What has Richard Gere done??? After grabbing Shilpa Shetty (you know, her, that one the racists didn’t warm to) at a charidee fing and giving her a kiss and a cuddle (just a bit of fun) there are now some men standing in the street in India burning posters of her! They must really hate American Gigolo. Or some of the other rubbish films Gere has done. They say it’s because public displays of affection are not kewl (Oh the irony of the whole thing starting at an HIV awareness event) but I am sure it’s because they hate the silver fox actor’s films.

Or maybe they’re closet S Club 7 fans?

I could have so easily bought this item last night but I had some sort of self-control. For now, anyway…

Damnit!

In between trying to figure out a scientific formula for the link between hair length and success in the music industry and shouting at the office computer I actually got some work done today. The newspapers (well I say newspapers but…) were full of nonsense that I couldn’t blog about again. I should be ignoring the war, poverty and famine and just waffling on about some posh bird with a frown on because her Prince (no not the purple funky one) dumped her but there are much more interesting things to talk about…

You know that rather good Feist video I posted the other day? Well there’s one for the other song that I like off that forthcoming album:

Miss Feist, with these artistic yet fun videos, you are really spoiling us…

I wondered where all those busy buzzy things had gone and now we know. Thanks, Daily Mail…

That cartoon episode two is now available to fulfill all your geek chic needs:

Drive is the new show from Tim Minear (and some other man) who co-created some other shows you may have heard of (such as Firefly, The Inside, Wonderfalls) that got cancelled rather quickly by an evil network. Seeing as Drive only premiered this week and the telly season in America starts in September then I may be right in thinking that its future doesn’t look all that great. What’s it all about? Well… there’s this cross-country race and a load of different unconnected people are manipulated into taking part for various reasons. Some of them are doing it for fun as there is a big cash prize. How confusing. That man from Firefly/Serenity who was also in Buffy and Lost (aka Nathan Fillion) is the main character and he has had his wife (Amy Acker from Angel and Alias) kidnapped by bad folks who promise that she will be waiting for him at the finishing line. So far so meh. Other drivers include a woman who has recently had a baby and is trying to get away from her husband, and various young people who I am not all that bothered about. A bit like a faster version of this week’s Doctor Who episode with the traffic jam? Maybe. But with no giant crabs under the cars. The drivers get text messages and phone calls on their mobile phones about where to drive to next, which they mostly use while driving their vehicles. I hope they all lose their licences for this reckless driving and I have not even mentioned the TV driving technique of one had on the wheel and both eyes on the person in the passenger seat during endless deep and meaningfuls while they should be concentrating on the road. A few of them are driving 4by4s so that’s another reason for me to be annoyed, isn’t it?

Somebody should do a UK remake and set it in Essex. There are plenty of idiots who cannot drive there and they love a bit of speed. I watched the first two episodes and wasn’t really hooked. Maybe it’s because the premise isn’t very good. Maybe because there is no Penelope Pitstop. Maybe I don’t care enough about the characters and their flashbacky life dramas. Maybe I just don’t have the time for another show, especially one that isn’t all that thrilling.

See for yourself. Well, see a bit. It’s only a trailer.

Sunday is the day of rest. Or in my case, the day without books. We know a song about that, don’t we? Click etc. Instead of paying tribute to Sweet Baybee Jebus or whatever all these 50 squillion Christians that we allegedly have in this country (according to certain parts of the media with agendas) do on a Sunday I am catching up with music and comics and all that jazz. But no jazz funk please. I am also wondering why I am still doing things like watching 24 as it is truly rubbish and not even Chloe can make it any good. As I haven’t finished my Battlestar Galactica season 2 DVD box nothing else seems as important.

The Times has a nice article about those cancelled shows that we love. Damn you, Fox!

!!!SPOILER ALERT!!! alert!
BBC press release website thing gives a big hint as to what them Dalek folk are doing in New York, and it’s not going shopping for very expensive shoes, reading fashion magazines, having inappropriate sex with inappropriate men and befriending a woman who looks like she has a thing for sugar lumps, oh no…

Doctor Who – Evolution Of The Daleks Ep 5/13
Saturday 28 April
6.45-7.30pm BBC ONE
www.bbc.co.uk/doctorwho
‘Dalek Sec is reborn in human form and plans to build a Dalek empire in Thirties New York, as Russell T Davies’s Doctor Who continues. While Martha fights for her life at the top of the Empire State Building, the Doctor must enter into an unholy alliance in order to change Dalek history for ever.’

I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist.

That Rufus was in the paper yesterday, being all flouncey and pristine. He said things like ” My message for George W Bush? Get that fucking smirk off your face, bastard!” and ” I love profiteroles.” I don’t think the Concerned Women For America will be buying his no doubt fantastic new CD but I don’t think he will care.

I think he might have enjoyed that photo shoot a bit too much.

In Doctor Who, which was not cancelled due to the poxy football not over-running (bah to sport) The Doctor and Martha went to New New New New New New New New New New New New New New New York and met some cats and a big rubber face. They also found out what the big ruber face’s big secret that everyone already knows was and they didn’t meet the other cat nurse from before which was quite lucky as she was played by Martha’s mum and it would have got extremely complicated, what with Martha already having a cousin who looked almost exactly like Laura Palmer. Or something. And bloody Macra! They had gone all CGI and less glove puppety this time. No jokes about nasty crabs will be found here as that would be far too predictable. We loved the litle bit of granny love and the basket of kittens best, just like any sensible person would. This show is so not Daily Mail-friendly these days though, is it?, with its inter-species love, mixed race couples and gay old women in love. Hurrah for it all! Talking of The Daily Mail (sorry) I managed to upset a reader of that posionous rag in the supermarket by remarking that I would ram the unattended trolley that was blocking our way as it contained a certain newspaper (I thought it belonged to a pointy-faced shrew who was rifling through the onions probably trying to find one more white that the ones she had spotted so far) only to realise that the odd looking man with the bumbag standing next to me was its proud owner. We kept going past him throughout the rest of our shopping experience and I felt no guilt for wanting to give him a bump.

The Guardian had an interesting bizarre article in it (but not innit) today… a guide to creating tabloid middle England scaremongering headlines. This is actually quite easy as you have to remember such key words such as ‘tax payers’ , ‘PC Brigade’ and ‘immigrants’ if you truly want to succeed. Bonus points for making them ‘gays’ seem like they have some kind of sinister ‘agenda’ beyond being treated just like everybody else.

Twin Peaks’ long awaited season 2 DVD is out. But only in America. Bah and gah! It’s pretty cheap though (£26.99 on Play) and everyone has multi-region machines these days, don’t they?

Have I mentioned Feist recently? She has made a new video thing and here it is. I spotted it over at XO’s blog.

Still… Macra! How odd.