Doctor Who is finished for another year (apart from the Titanic thing aka Voyage Of The Damned at Christmas with Kylie Minogue of course) and it was rather silly, wasn’t it? I happen to like silly though. There were good things and bad things about this final episode and they’re the usual good and bad things…

Good: Tying old plot elements together, which I call ‘doing a Buffy.’ This year we had the whole thing about how brilliant humans are, what power words have, the lengths humanity will go to to survive, The Face Of Boe and the whole ‘last of the Timelords’ saga, some silly thing about local machines that can de-age you, Timelords hiding as humans, the way that time travellers’ lives can’t always be linear, (amateur) political satire, and some more of that soppy unrequited love stuff for the girls. Overall the season was very good. I am ignoring the Dalek Sec And The City fiasco completely. We also had regular hot male guest stars (heh) and lots of great acting, especially from David Tennant.

Bad: The ‘one year later’ cliche, trying to do too much in too little time, such as having yet another big massive explosive zappy flying invasion of Earth again, involving too many family members of the companion, a season arc about the companion (and involving her family occasionally), and wasting Captain Jack for most of his screen time. The worst bad was the ‘undoing it all at the end’ cliche. I would have preferred a seriously damaged Earth to remain, one that was fully aware of the importance of The Doctor. Ah well, at least U.N.I.T got involved. And The Master mentioned Axons. But they killed him off. Probably. Bah!

Next year is not so far away, and they start filming next week. A part-time Martha looks likely so there will definitely be someone new onboard full-time, and maybe at some point a new Doctor. I would have been quite happy with an Earth-bound Doctor and a broken Tardis for a bit but it’ll probably be the same mix of 21st Century Earth, the odd period piece, some spaceships and a great big noisy zappy invasion finale again. Please no Daleks next time! Can we have more Sally Sparrow and the return of Chantho? And Harriet Jones? Please? Ah, go on…

I knew Jack was a big head… but that?

Why I love comics #3565:

X-Factor Issue 20 is out now.

Tomorrow in the real world:
Gazillions of poofs and lezzas stroll around London in the inevitable rain (with banners and shit) while Dan and Jamie are too damn lazy to get off their fat arses. What, like Dame Heather once bellowed, have you done today to make you feel proud? Accidentally liking men instead of women? How 20th century!

Tomorrow in Doctor Who:

Martha gets her turn at running around a quarry in Sussex doubling as an alien planet before being befriended by the local freedom fighters, screaming a little bit at unconvincing rubbery monsters and going on to help overthrow the corrupt alien regime after being reunited with The Doctor?

Or am I getting her confused with Jo Grant?

And… is it just me or does Barrowman’s hair in Doctor Who look a bit too Travolta/Cagey if you know what I mean?

Wanna have a peek at the pilot for CBS’ new vampire detective show where a vampire who happens to be one of the good guys does detectivey cases that regular human detectives cannot do while falling in love with a perky blonde that he cannot truly be with?

Hmmm… this seems very like a poor copy of Angel Season One to me. There must be a way to improve it if it hopes to succeed as a series, mustn’t there?

How about they ditch the perky American blond from The O.C and replace her with a cool English blond from Doctor Who? Then replace the old dude playing the other vampire with a younger dude who played a misunderstood bad boy in Veronica Mars? And get someone with experience in running a vampire detective show to be the new showrunner?

They did?

Fantastic!

From Ain’t It Cool News: ‘Josef, the ancient vampire originally played by 60-year-old Croatia native Rade Serbedzija, will now be played by 25-year-old Ohio native Jason Dohring on CBS’ new fall series Moonlight. Dohring previously played Logan Echolls, troubled teen spawn of movie stars, on all three seasons of Veronica Mars. This marks the second major recent cast change for Moonlight. Britisher Sophia Myles (Underworld Evolution, Art School Confidential) very recently replaced Texan Shannon Lucio (The O.C.) as the series’ female lead. Moonlight, the tale of a vampire private detective who falls for a young mortal woman, boasts as its new showrunner Angel co-creator David Greenwalt.’

Yay! I shall post a new clip of the newly re-tooled show when I find one.

Fopping hell! Fopp has flopped. Bert and Jemima will be weeping into their computers when they read this. Where shall we get our £5 Cult DVDs and CDs from now?

I really have nothing to say today.

But I bet I can go on a bit regardless.

I laughed at teevee chavvy burly lesbians with bad teeth and dodgy tattoos who were told off by Jeremy Kyle for saying *beep* and *beeeep* and threatening to *beeep* the silly man who got one of them pregnant because she was also his girlfriend as well as everybody else’s Or summink or nuffink. Jeremy is in no way condescending when he talks to these unfortunates he picks to humiliate themselves on national television by sharing their pathetic lives with an audience who is basically gaging for a punch-up. Not at all, he is merely being stern and grown-up. I got annoyed by the moronic tabloid columnists who felt a bit cold and wet this week so did their usual “I think the ‘global warming brigade’ should apologise” bollocks when everyone knows it is really ‘climate change’ and they were just being wankers to sell newspapers which we know but it still annoys us anyway. I waited for the bus and got asked by a woman who couldn’t drive very well to help her out of the space she had parked in because even though she had got into it she apparently could not do the whole thing in a reverse style. Seeing as I haven’t driven for donkeys years plus llamas years it’s a small miracle that she didn’t end up like a People’s Princess. But then she was wearing a seatbelt. Phew! I went to work, worked a lot, had a bit of lunch then worked some more, looked at a zillion more CVs from crazy fools who want to come and work for me, did some more work, had some odd conversations with the public (the man who didn’t do chip & pin as he thought signing was much safer (erm), the hairdressers who gushed about how they loved reading those books about abusive childhoods (ghoulish), the man who wanted to get a photograph taken for his passport (confused) and the sensible people who didn’t believe that Katie Price aka Jordan aka Tango Barbie could have written another novel (perceptive). Then I did some more work and some more work.

Is it still raining? I don’t actually care of course.

What next? S Club 5 (they didn’t want the racist one back and the one that left before they all left) ?

So what happened today, I hear you say?

I have bat ears. Innit.

I had to spend longer than usual getting to and from work as the car is still dead. Rather than doing the logical route of a straight line from my house to my work the public transport option is as follows:
Walk backwards along the line from my house to my workplace for 20 minutes.
Get a train that goes in mostly the wrong direction of the way to my workplace.
Get off the train and change to a train that goes back almost parallel the way you just came until it finally points in the right direction and proceed to workplace.
Get off the train. Scowl at hoodies, hippityhoppities and other manners-free types.
Go to work.

Chortle brought me good news: ‘Look Around You star Serafinowicz has landed his own show, described as an ‘off-the-wall sketch show…in which the likes of Al Pacino mingle with his own quirky creations, such as impressively incompetent private investigator Brian Butterfield’. The programme also features such spoofs as ‘television’s most futile game shows’, including Heads Or Tails and Which Hand Is It In?, and offers “celebrity” interviews on O! News. ‘

Remember this? Yay! A series! Yay! Yay!

Anyway…

I have a horrible feeling they’re going to blame the whole The Mater saga on him looking into the void as a mini-Timelord and going a bit loopy. I blame the parents. If he had any.

Meh. I still like it.

In other exciting news I had that man-of-a-certain age moment where I actually ventured into Burtons on my Neverending New Shoes Quest. I quickly realised the error of my ways and ran out. Phew.

At home I discovered that all the fruit we bought at the local greengrocers’ had in fact decided to go all manky to spite us. If we’d actually spent some quality time at home we may have remembered to eat it. It was all sticky (like glue, not a stick) and covered in lovely appetising fluffy green mould. I had to clean the bloody table as the paper bags had glued themselves to it with the classic mould/rancid juice combination. Marvellous.

Bestest thing last:

Yummy food!

Geeks!

Nerds!

What a nice night out that was last night.

Today on I Wouldn’t Normally Do This Kind Of Thing I have been doing the following:

Opening a champagne bottle without it gushing everywhere. Is it only chavs and vulgar rich people who waste most of their bottle of lovely fizzy wine stuff by showing off?

Repeatedly going “ouch” when attempting to light a candle with one of those rubbish lighters that you flick on with your thumb.

Wearing a hood while walking down the street. It was raining. Now I have learnt that it is potentially extremely easy to run over hoodie yoof as their vision is exceedingly blinkered. And not just in the manners department.

Taking two hours to get home from work due to the car breaking down and waiting for an eternity to be towed home. Oh the shame!

Doing one of those stoopid internets quizzes where it’s pretty obvious what the answer will be but you still have to click loads of multiple choice buttons anyway:

You scored as 1st Doctor, Grumpy, proud, but realy just an old softy. Inteligence is no barrier to you. 1st Doctor 83% 10th Doctor 75% 2nd doctor 58% 3rd doctor 42% 9th Doctor 33% a Dalek 33% 7th Doctor 33% 6th doctor 33% 4th Doctor 25% Davros 25% 5th Doctor 25% 8th Doctor 17%

What Doctor Who character are You?
created with QuizFarm.com
So I am a crotchety old man who travels in time and forgets what he is about to say.

And in the Things I Would Normally Do And Will Do category:

Hurrah!

I do apologise. I used up all my nerdy stuff over the weekend.

It’s Monday. It’s another meme. It’s based on some column called The Favourites from the exceptionally useless free London newspaper called thelondonpaper. It doesn’t even have correct grammar in its title! Grrr! Anyway…

Favourite joke?
The Daily Mail is pretty funny, you’d almost believe it was real.

Team-mate?
I love them all equally… but the FaceBookShoppers are pretty good.

Opponent?
The System. I try to beat it.

Other sport?
Other sport? What other sport? That implies there was already one sport and that would be crazy. I don’t like it.

Shop?
My one of course.

TV/Radio Show?
Too many to mention here. Geeky comedy and drama, you know where to look.

Mode of Transport?
My husband’s car. Or my own feet.

Item of Clothing?
My Supreme Being zip top thing.

Night out?
A few drinks with friends before a comedy show where we lurk around afterwards and say hello to people we admire. Like I ever do that!

Sporting Memory?
The three-legged race at sports day? That Pogo Stick kid was so useful.

Gadget?
Inspector, of course. The cartoon, not the live action(ish) film starring Matthew “Whoops I Married A Horse” Broderick.

Place in London?
Forbidden Planet of course!
Or The London Dungeon.
Or Avenue Q. That’s sort of a place, right?

Bonus post!

Hurrah for our Manniversary today. I love to show off as I never thought I would ever be able to celebrate being married (or making a mockery of marriage, take your pick) to a very special (but not in the special way that means to sharp objects or pencils) man that I love. Just thought I should share that with the world. Again.

I had a weird dream where my blocked up nose moved to my ears and I couldn’t understand what most people were saying. No change there on a day to day basis as I don’t speak Chav and only catch every other word. When I woke up the blocked up nose had gone completely due to the power of Manniversary. The same power made my evil hayfever bugger off for a day this time last year so I could enjoy the special (like that Pretenders song) day. Fantastic!

After posting that horrible trailer for the new comedy low yesterday I believe I have to follow it up with the actual incident. Here it is:

Oh my poor sides have split. Did you see? In the background? Multiple LOLs and ROFLs all around.

Alternatively… what a load of smelly cock cheese that was. An all-time low.

Right, time to decide: Do we go out to buy each other a Manniversary present or stay at home eating chocolates and buy online? Tradition dictates the latter.

Here is a random wedding reception picture. I am most amused by my interesting position and it probably deserves a ‘hilarious’ caption.

Doctor Who was a bit mental again. The John Simm Master paid homage to other Masters (Teletubbies replacing Clangers, inappropriate cape) but didn’t have a weapon that shrunk people into unconvincing action figres of themselves. Shame, as there’s a Captain Jack one that would save them some money on special effects. He also did that homage thing to some Doctors with the “jellybaby?” and “run for your life!” and then there was that appearance from U.N.i.T. It was nice to see that once again The Doctor had created all his own problems like that time he accidentally made Queen Victoria see the need for a Torchwood. This time I blame him doing a Tony Blairs to Harriet Jones and letting Harold get the beginnings of a lotta power. Will he never learn? Too bad the doc is now wearing his old man prosthetic from The Family Of Blood after being zapped with that non-snic screwdriver thingy, but I am sure Martha will save the day. Heh. She’s not the most resourceful thing but at least she managed to teleport to the one bit of wide open space where the hordes of Toclafane (hmmm…) were destroying everything except the bit of ground she was standing on. Again, kind of all her own fault as well as The Doctor’s but that’s puny humans for you I suppose.

Quote of the week:
“I thought you were going to say he was your secret brother or something.”
“You’ve been watching too much tv.”

Next week:
What is the big paradox?
The Prime Minister Master: (Lord) President of everything?
Timelord Oil Of Olay?
Where’s Little Reggie?

And… Cybermen?

It’s time for some CD reviews, so it is.

Ghosts by Siobhan Donaghy has been lurking around the internet for months now and it’s finally out on Monday. I feel like I’ve been living with songs such as Don’t Give It Up, Ghosts and So You Say for ages, thanks to them living in my teeny tiny iPod thing. Plus they’ve been singles that have been mostly ignored by silly people who should know better. I won’t go on about the Sugababes thing as that’s tedious and this CD cannot be compared to a certain other ex-member of that band as that other one is without a unique identity and only has a couple of good tracks, one of which is from a superior Groove Armada album anyway. Where Siobhan’s first album, Revolution In Me, failed a little bit due to some tracks lacking individuality this new one manages to mix lots of different elements together into a distinctive project. Some of those elements include a bit too much ‘homage’ to the sounds of Massive Attack, Kate Bush and The Cocteau Twins but who isn’t a great big musical thief sometimes these days? Still, if you like the sound of plippity-ploppity beats, swirly guitars, ‘ethereal’ stuff, layered vocals, backwards loops, squelchy noises and other oddities backed up by a load of strong songwriting then this is for you. If you prefer your pop music all dull and uninspired then stick to crappy people who win talent shows or manufactured pop bands with horrible hair. I know which I prefer and why this CD is due to go ‘thud’ (lightly) on my door mat on Monday morning.

It’s not from the album but I’ve shown all those videos before.

Easy Tiger by Ryan Adams is the second album by the man who is not Bryan that I have discovered first time round. I have now caught up with the back catalogue and bloody hell isn’t there a lot of it? With fingers in many musical pies, Ryan Adams can do that twangy ‘nu-country’ thing really well, does a fair angry electric guitar man routine, can go all acoustic and sensitive and also have a funky old time with his band. In other words, he covers all bases for all kinds of tastes. The new CD is a kind of mishmash of all of his styles so it’s a good introduction for those unbelievers out there. You want strummy melancholy? Listen to Two. How about singer songwritery? Everybody Knows is for you. Want a big of electric guitar and a few swear words (and an announced guitar solo?)? Then Halloween Head is your song. Like a bit of diddlydee? Try Pearls On A String. Or rather don’t as it’s a bit too twee for me. All in all not a bad album at all so I have to recommend it. If you want a new artist to get into then you could do a lot worse than Mister Adams. He has rockstar hair too if that helps. Heh.

Also not from the album in question but I like it and it’s my blog.

Bonus feature:

A new low has just been reached.

I got the tube to work and watched The Sweary Man get confused by the approaching tube, thinking it was for the other branch line, by twitching, kicking the wall, shouting a very rude misogynistic flangey word and then getting on it anyway. If there’s one thing worse than those hippity-hoppity headphones dudes with two hats and no hearing it’s a mentalist in your train carriage, especially first thing in the morning. So far so weird. I was so asleep I decided that reading the shit free morning paper Metro was a good idea. Even with my shorter than usual attention span it didn’t fill the news-shaped hole. Luckily the chocolate croissant and mocha filled the chocolate hole. That sounds a bit rude actually.

I heard rumours of a Spice Girls reunion and cared as much as I would be expected to care about a shrill multi-headed oxygen thief. I cared far more about the also-rumoured reforming of Salt N Pepa. Thanks, Popjustice.

Thopjustice.

I read about David ‘Not Mulder’ Duchovny’s new show being a bit rude. How disgusting!

I must watch it.

I got a surprise present (well, several presents in fact) from work due to having managed to stay married for a year. Me? A year? Oh yes. Seven bloody years and a few days, technically but most of that was ‘living in sin’ as the law was not yet correct. We are still engaging in sin. It’s a sin, like those Pet Shop Boys said. The presents included the obligatory chocolate element plus some papery things as I was informed that Anniversary One is the paper anniversary. What is next year’s theme? I hope it’s not polyester. Anyway, thanks,work nerds.

Therds.

I ate a Krispy Kreme and got a mad sugar rush and my teeth felt all strange. About half an hour later I had another and went completely mental. The sugar rush (no, not that fecking Julie Burchill book) was great but the comedown was heavy, man. Jsut say no. But they’re so tasty.

Then I went to the tube to come home and the tube was all cocked up with full platforms and a rather large collection of baffled people who knew nothing about why there were no trains. And then there were the customers. So I waited for The Rubbish Expensive Once An Hour Bus which at least got me home. Shame that leaving work early was wasted on me as I waited 35 minutes at that bus stop. Are all bus stops weird? The smoking man appeared to be crying at some point and then I pretended my music was much louder than it really was when asked directions to the tube station which was literally around the corner. Other lowlights included a shocking pink sports car with the usual mad spoiler and engine that sounds 3.7 times too loud going up and down the road at least four times. Does anybody in Blogland know why these cars’ engines are so broken that they sound on their last legs? Or is that last wheels? And why was Mister Bling Bling R&B Noise Pollution driving such an effeminate car in the first place? People have been covered in honey and thrown to the lesbians for less around our way.

I listened to an odd remix of that great 1234 thing by Feist. It was alright but not bookshoppy enough for the bookshop. What do you think?

I then watched Hollyoaks and was so excited by the drama that I watched the next episode on E4. I love Hollyoaks as it’s a soap opera written by comittee where the committee has a How To Write Soap Operas For Dummies book on permanent loan from the library. Someone is going to get pushed over a balcony so of course everyone takes turns to threaten her and forget to have an alibi one after another. How careless. Someone runs away with their oddly-robotic girlfriend to escape her psychotic brother so of course they get run over by a car so that this happiness cannot happen. They cannot die as their father, step-brother, sister, other sister, and ex-girlfriend have already died in mostly unconnected storylines and one more death would be like totally unrealistic, innit? Proper genius!

Anyway…