I have spent the last few hours trying to not feel like a cripple due to pretty crap lower back pains so this blog is on autopilot…

Top news story of the day? Gerry McCann returns to work! I wouldn’t like to be the one doing the Return To Work Interview, would you? Still, it’s obviously the most important thing in the whole world today. No room for The Scary Picture so there’s a little Gerry pic instead. His hair doesn’t match his face, or is it just me? And boo hoo we lost the rugger-bugger game. Have a free camera, some free flowers and some free fireworks. I am glad my local chav contingent don’t get The Express as the whooshing banging noises would keep me up at night. And that’s only the dirty little buggers’ noisy public ‘love life’ noises from by the wall at the other end of the cul-de-sac. Bah Fawkes!

Dumbledore is a character in a children’s book. Children grow up to be adults. Children have parents who are adults. Adults can be gay sometimes. So can kids, but not in ‘that way.’ Big flippin’ deal, right?

From Digital Spy:
The writer invited questions from the audience and was asked by a young fan if Dumbledore had found “true love”. “Dumbledore is gay,” she replied, explaining that he had fallen in love with rival Gellert Grindelwald, who he beat in a battle between good and bad wizards long ago. “Falling in love can blind us to an extent,” she continued, before describing Dumbledore’s love as a “great tragedy” and explaining that he had felt “horribly, terribly let down”. Rowling told fans that the initial script for the movie adaptation of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince made reference to a girl that Dumbledore had once been interested in. She revealed the truth about the character to director David Yates, who removed the line. She added that the Harry Potter books can be seen as a “prolonged argument for tolerance” and instructed her fans to “question authority”.

Dumbledore is a character in a children’s book. Children grow up to be adults. Children have parents who are adults. Adults can be gay sometimes. So can kids, but not in ‘that way.’ It’s 2007. Big flippin’ deal, right?

So who wins the prize of Mail Reader Commenting Cunt Of The Week?

Is it:

1) “I’m disappointed in Ms. Rowling for feeling the need to “out” her character. I guess she waited for the money first in case not all of her fans’ parents would have considered it unnecessary to force such an endorsement on children.” – Mcate, Georgia, USA

or

2) “Isn’t it funny that people never say things like this until after they have made the big time and a bucket full of cash, Why spoil a perfectly good children’s story with PC rubbish?” – Andy, Lancashire, England

or

3) “Time to put the books in the bin, I think.” – Sally, Lincoln

I think I know who wins so far. If only Der Mail had updated their comments page this morning, I could have checked if my one got past the guards. Ah well, they’re only doing their job. I shall sum it up with this:

I do believe some of the other characters were murderers. But that’s ok.

You think that story was stupid? How about this?

I think there are a lot of people out there who shouldn’t be allowed near sharp objects or anything with corners.

Damn that rugger! It means that The Daily Express, who love it as it is not uncouth football, cannot fit the Scary Maddie Picture on their cover today. So they made her the main story to make up for that, with a challenge set to all readers. Or something. Still no mention of the Karachi bombings but ooh look, free plants and free fireworks! Anybody care? No? Me neither. You can also get £1 off OK! Magazine where you can no doubt read about whether Kerry Katona’s Jesus Miscarriage Resurrection last week is still on or off. Just say no. Please.

I was joking but the real OK! Magazine(!) cover is even better/worse. In case you can’t read the small print, Kerry Katona is saying “Sorry Posh, you’re too desperate to be Diana” , Cheryl Cole is saying “my marriage is perfect” and Jordan and some footie wife are saying “we invite OK! on our wild night out.” Such horrible threats and irony, especially from the woman who would make Desperate Dan look like a Catherine Tate “Am I bovvered?” moment when comparing her desperation to his in an Ultimate Celebrity Desperation Deathmatch. I pity the modern woman who feels that they have to buy into this collection of crusty old baps, I really do.

This made me smirk too:

I really have no idea how to answer that. I assume it relates to the luminescence of their fake tans.

If you want some “whoooooooo!s” today then visit Pretty Much Amazing who has posted up a handful of the new (as in from the future) remixes of That Kylie’s 2 Hearts. No it’s not a song about a time travelling Gallifreyan, but the mixes include the Alan Braxe one and one by Kish Mauve. Which is only fair as it’s their song that she’s just singing the words over the top of in the first place.

Today’s Buffy Comic Wisdom Nugget is brought to you by Willow:

Buffy: The Long Way Home is released next week. Ish.

No real life news today as I’m sitting on my chair reading things and eating things and drinking things ans watching things. It’s such fun, what a perfect day.

What an exciting day in my real life! The pub quiz last night never happened as there were only 3 teams so we came home and watched and loved The Peter Serafinowicz Show. Of course.
Then today we went to the greengrocer where I learnt that they weigh the things (and by ‘things’ I mean fruit and veg) for you and you just stand there feeling guilty for not helping. I am so self-servicey usually, it just felt mean. Then I didn’t get the new issue of the Doctor Who Magazine as the crappy shop didn’t have it so I went home and watched the Time Flight DVD and cried at the sheer awfulness of it all. But it does have a Janet Fielding (aka Tegan Jovanka as if you didn’t know) interview on it and I want her to be my mum now. After that came a fee hours of humber-crunching over some super spreadsheets so that I am prepared for the mayhem that is Christmas In A Big Bookshop. So far so good. But I don’t want to jinx it…

Doctor Who Tegan Jovanka Mad YouTube Extravaganza:

Weird.

I thought I’d finally found something to knock Madeleiana off the Express front page: A whole load of actual real deaths with no conspiracy theories or vagueness. Totally horrific, utterly horrible and very newsworthy. The Guardian had it as its top story and rightly so:

So I clicked onto The Scary Newspaper With No News to see if it was there:

Bad Express! Naughty Express! In your bed! I forgot that dead brown people are not worth as much as dead white people in certain parts of the media. Silly me. I hate the world sometimes. No, make that most of the time.

To change the subject:

It was inevitable: Ultimate Spider-Man 118 is the beginning of Ultimate Spider-Man And His Amazing (Ultimate) Friends. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

Random comedy YouTube moment:

You Are Here is now on YouTube. It’s written by Robert Popper, Matt Lucas, David Walliams, Paul Kaye and others). It has pretty much everybody from comedy things in it (Nigel Planer, Kate Robbins, Matt Lucas, Paul Kaye, Keith Allen, Peter Serafinowicz, John Thomson, Paul Putner, David Walliams, etc). But this doesn’t mean it’s extremely funny of course. It’s a League Of Gentlemen with less laughs, but still worth a peek.

Oh just make it stop. Please.

‘Where’s Maddie?’ continues today, with the consecutive frontpage running total now at 70-something, and the Scary Picture being used in 6 of the last 7 days. Yes, really. Somebody should be sacked but people like to read shit so nobody cares. Today: Kate is an egg in the hands of the police and Diana was maybe about to announce either an engagement or a pregnancy or something. Maybe. Or maybe not, as nobody is actually Diana so nobody actually knows. And anyway, move on you conspiracy theory nutjobs. Everybody knows it was Lord Lucan wot dun it.

Meanwhile, in the real world, I investigated the ‘NHS Dentists Crisis’ that The Daily Mail were getting their knickers in a twist over. I phoned the dentist, asked for an appointment, and got one for the very next day. Will the shop refund my pliers then? I was all prepared for waiting a year for a check-up, paying £70 for the experience, and then having to remove my gammy old teeth myself at home live on the internet, as we are living in a third world country, according to Mail readers. Damn you, Gordon Brown! Except we’re not and the papers print bullshit. Whatever next? Taking the blame for my fat belly away from me?

Yay! It’s not my fault that I ate an enormous amount of biscuits, pizza and cake yesterday. It’s society’s fault. Here’s a bit of science for you to cry over:

Next week’s episode (but not on BBC 2) is the big one. When two geek shows collide …

Veronica Mars? Heroes? What are the chances of that?

Seeing as we actually did something in the real world yesterday (as well as go to the dentist. What a busy day) I thought I should post some photos. So here they are:

Zoe From Art Skool came round for tea. And pizza. And cake. As our house is near nothing and nobody of any interest this was rather nice.

Can you tell we are comic geeks?

As it was the once-every-18 months occurance where there is somebody else in the house we jumped at the chance of a photo of the two of us looking silly.

Damn, she loved that Dalek a bit too much.

The Express have been doing exceptionally well in their ‘Where’s Maddie?’ series this week. I think bringing a book out for Christmas would be in terribly bad taste though.

I scored 4 points in the last six days, which is pretty damn good!

Yay! 5 points! I win!

They really should get a new picture though, as it’s incredibly easy. But that would cost them money and then they couldn’t give away all their Free Shit. It’s swings and roundabouts, innit?

I thought someone had put something funny in my cup of tea this morning when channel- hopping. The dirty fighting chavs on ITV were slightly more fierce than usual but still did not know who was the father of the baybee but when I found myself watching a chorus of strangely surreal Chromakey birds singing to bizarre human / cuddly toy hybrid creatures in a forest I had to have a little nap. Well the voices told me it was time to so I had no choice really, as you cannot disobey Professor Yana aka The Master*

Igglepiggle? Isn’t that what Jordan and Peter Andre named the most recent fruit of their loins?

* In The Night Garden is narrated by Sir Derek Jacobi.
Guess who’s back?

Oh ok. It’s Morrissey.

BSG Season 4 trailer!!! Extreme spoiler alert!!!

Don’t click it if you haven’t seen up to the end of season 3. Nerd.

Yesterday was going to be Day One of my holiday but it got pushed back to today. Instead, I went to work on a mission. I do so love it when the ‘turn the shop lights all off for an hour to see if the emergency lighting batteries last an hour’ time coincides with my planned re-merchandising of the important tables and bays. I must have some kind of bat-radar as the bookshop looked spiffing after my squnity update. Then I did 8 hours of inventory fixing. I know how to live the life of Riley, whoever Riley may be. Not the beefcake from season 4 of Buffy, I hope, as he was a bit rubbish. In other book news, Kerry Katona has written a novel. Which translates as Kerry Katona was scribbled some ideas about a girl who gets involved in glamour modelling and singing but it all goes a bit dark what with sex n’ drugs n’ drink and stuff but it is in no way based upon her life, and then handed it to a proper writer who made it into a book. It’s the new Iliad, apparently. I must purchase it at once. But I am on holiday, oh the shame.

Let’s have a look at that book then:
‘Synopsis: Leanne Crompton had it all – beauty, fame, money. But when Leanne is sacked by her modelling agency, she soon finds herself penniless. With her seven-year-old daughter Kia to support, she has no option but to head north to her home town… back to her wayward family. With a brother just released from prison, another being taken for a mug by his wannabe-WAG girlfriend, and two sisters trying to escape her shadow, life with the Cromptons is a harsh reminder of how far she’s fallen. Now, starting over and with an explosive secret to hold on to – the identity of Kia’s dad – things start to get tough. Can she trust her ruthless mother Tracy not to sell her out to the papers? Or will Kia’s dad catch up with her and silence her for good? “Tough Love” is the startling debut novel from former pop star and tabloid favourite Kerry Katona. Her memoir, “Too Much Too Young”, was a “Sunday Times” top ten bestseller. ‘

I’m like so buying that!

Express delivery!

Monday: There’s still a free kids night safety pack (whatever that is) and free booze and curry with The Express. Cor. And today’s most important news in the world is that someone thinks the body of the blonde girl might be in a lake somewhere probably maybe etc. It’ll take a nuclear holocaust to shift that scary picture off their frontpage. In other news, rugby replaces Diana. Boo hiss boo!

Tuesday: Diana is back in prime position as somebody thinks they saw something resembling someone on a motorbike shine a torch on her car before it crashed. Therefore this is a ‘sensation.’ Meanwhile in Madeleine Land, with the scary picture as usual (as it costs zilch to re-use it) today’s randomly-generated headline is a ‘link’ to a ‘Russian kidnap gang.’ Because they say so, because Russian paedophile gangs do exist after all. Marvellous reporting! In other news, who wants to be the next new Lib Dem leader? Anybody? No?

There’s some weird stuff going on down in Tardis-Land aka Cardiff… sounds a bit rubbish but it IS for charidee… *spoiler alert link here*

Talking of Doctor Who…





I still love The Sarah Jane Adventures. But then I am a geek.

In a tribute to those shit memes that you find on MySpace I have decided to make my own. Mainly because I couldn’t find one rubbish enough to copy.

What’s it all about? Well.. What were the last five:

Things that made you laugh (out loud or just in your head)?

Someone from school being fat and orange on Facebook.
The shitness that is Hollyoaks.
The evil Gorgon-worshipping racially diverse nuns off the telly.
Something podcasty by Ben Baker.
A book that just got handed to me while writing this at home.

Things you put in your mouth?

Spaghetti with pesto, chestnut mushrooms, roasted green pepper, pumpkin seeds and tomatoes what I did make.
About fifty hot caffeinated drinks today.
Three of those mini chocolate swiss roll things that some kind soul left in the staffroom.
A very nice baguette from my favourite sandwichy place: The marvellous Pumpernickels.
A handful of those more-ish Belgian biscuits that are my heroin.

Blue things you saw?

Blue Velvet.
Betty Blue.
The Big Blue.
Blue Hotel.
Blue Suede Shoes (dontchoo step on ‘em, ok?).

Crying pairs of pants?

The ones on MySpace.
The other ones on MySpace.
The ones on that blog on MySpace.
The pants from the MySpace bulletin.
Don’t all pants on MySpace cry?

Daily Express headline subjects?

Madeleine.
Diana.
Madeleiana.
Dirty Foreigners.
Death Tax.

Vampire slayers?

Faith.
Buffy.
Kendra (R.I.P)
The bolshy one who lezzed up Willow.
The quiet gawky one. Did she die?

Root vegetables?

Honey roasted parsnips.
Steamed potatoes with ground black pepper.
Oven roasted butternut squash.
Hope it’s chips, it’s chips.
Is it chips? It is? Phew.

Celebrities you could imagine dead, and the prefered method?

Kerry Katona: Sniffing her own face off.
Antony Cotton: Overdosing on outdated camp stereotypes.
Jordan: Popping like an empty bag of crisps.
Victoria Beckham: Facial creosote poisoning.
Jim Davidson: Bummed to death.

Moments of temporary insanity?

‘Accidentally’ whacking a woman with my bag on the tube when I got up. Well she did have her feet on the seat, talked incessantly about naff all on her phone for the entire journey and played with an additional mobile phone while doing so. It was only right.
Getting so number blind from spending the day correcting an inventory database all day at work that I shouted “that’s Numberwang!” when updating the numbers. A few times.
Thinking I really should resist going to The Nut Hut. And actually resisting. What was I thinking?
Playing Satellite Of Love too many times when walking home from the station this evening.
Writing this bleedin’ meme when I am a bit too knackered to do so.

Things you looked at on this computer that you are using right now?

Crap newspapers for tomorrow’s regular blog.
A bit of comics geek stuff.
I-Tunes where I added the two bonus tracks off the Roisin Murphy CD I bought to my playlist.
No pictures of half naked men. For once.
A Bit Torrent site where I added a new episode of Kath & Kim that will probably disappoint.

Goodbye.

I thought they’d finally done it and I could stop posting those awful front covers here every day…

But no. Hiding under the free shit, more free shit, and rugger-buggery: ‘Bloody footprint clue to Madeleine mystery.’ Case solved? Again? Or just a “bloody footprint” in the annoying sense, like on a carpet or in some wet cement? I guess we’ll never know and after Free Shit Sunday the story will go back to the big headline. Bloody Express.

I watched episode 2 of Robin Hood series 2 today. It’s still better than series 1, unless that one improved after i gave up on it. It’s also still very silly. This week’s plot to upset Sherrif Lilly Allen’s Dad involved stealing loads of shiny coins hidden in an underground trap room thing, and it played like some retro ZX Spectrum game with all those random arrows shooting out of walls, secret dangerous slabs of floor and knives and shit. The Scruffy Men were assisted by Count Dexter Fletcher Of Ver Press Gang doing a silly German acccent to add to his repertoire of silly American and silly Cockernee. As he was playing a heterosexual male he had to fancy Marian and got Sir Leather Fetish Of Gisbourne all hot under the (leather) collar. No overtly homoerotic scenes this week, which was a shame, as I do like a bit of rough in peril.

Did I mention that new channel Virgin 1 is showing old episodes of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia on Monday nights? I didn’t? Well it is…

That clip is from series 3 but meh, it’s what I wanted to post.

Nothing much to report today as I’ve been doing work at home inbetween listening to music and catching up with video-ey stuff. And laughing at the absurd stuff of course:

Free kids night safety pack, beer and another Madeleine headline with that photo again?

Someone is surely demonstrating a sick sense of humour at The Express today.

Been getting back into Cirkus as they’ve remade the album and it’s a hell of a lot better than the first version. No idea when it’s coming out though…

The oh-so-secret band is in fact pretty much The Cherry/McVey Family Roadshow and this new version of Laylow (the album) is a much more ‘live’ affair and was inspired by the tours that they’ve done in a load of places that don’t include England. Bah!
Trig.Com has the whole album on streaming. Oh yes. Click and listen. Particular favourites of this blog are Is What It Is, Time For The Whistle (aka Track 6) and Sunny Tuesdays (aka Track 13). The ‘Manchild’ baby is now the singer… and I feel old.

I have run out of blog steam today. The headache finally went, the Royal Visit at work got cancelled, the meeting got moved to next week when I am on holiday but I don’t need to go because I am a girly swot with experience of this thing we call Jesusmas, I have still ‘broken’ the database in the bookshop but am going to spend the day in the office on Monday with cakes and coffee and my magic typey fingers fixing as much of it as I can. Then I begin my week off a day late, all happy and content. Phew. On the tube I saw a punk in a cardie throw litter and was tempted to push a schoolboy onto the tracks but resisted. I am not Dexter.

I am keeping on with the Express Covers Watch until the day that The McCanns are not on it. Seeing as it’s something like the 70th consecutive day of their dubious honour it’s still here:

I love how Der Echspress moan about the ‘slurs’ then insult them but say that the Portugal police man did say it, innit. Marvellous blamelesness. And hello Diana! Not seen you for a while, whatchoo been up to?

I got a lovely pressie today:

Mmmmmm. They’re back and they’re yummy.

Christmas List Ideas Part 34:

Possibly the gayest thing ever. I want one.

And here’s the obligatory YooHooTube Clip. Serafinowicz wasn’t as good as the first one but I still like it…